How to Vanity

The first draft of my New Year's Resolution was this: Vanity.

Not exactly inspiring any feelings of goodwill or anything, so I suppose I'd better elaborate.

One of my best friends found themselves unexpectedly single, and decided to set up an online dating profile. I have always had dubious feelings towards online dating, because I did things the old-fashioned way: by dating all of my wife's friends in high school before finally dating her. (It's a joke.)

I started to ask my single friends about dating profiles, the ones that they've made, and the ones that they've seen, and honestly, I like the idea of it.

Here are the THREE TENETS that I like about a dating profile, that I have needlessly expanded to everyone in general who lives in the digital age:

1) Have six good current pictures of yourself.

You either think this is easy, or you think this is impossible. And that's just it. We live in a culture that values the individual. Which is a WONDERFUL thing in my opinion, because we are all such amazing little infinities in ourselves. A little bit of order, a lotta bit of chaos, a dash of ourselves, a dash of everyone who has helped us be ourselves (for better or for worse) along the way, and you have YOU.

And now, if someone asked you to have on hand  six photos to represent YOU, what will you do?

You can't plan every picture, you can't sit yourself down and say, "Listen up, asshat, today we are going to have a picture of us laughing with our friends, GOT IT?" because that's not how things work. But if you live in the digital age as much as I do, and I'm a millennial so it's quite a bit, you know the value of a picture. Pictures tell a thousand words.

Pretty simple. This is me. I'm a casual dude, I have funny socks, and I'm wearing a Dungeons & Dragons shirt.

If there's something you should know about me, it's that I love my boys.

Crash's first day of school! It's just such a happy picture all over, and it makes me happy to look at!

I swear, this boy is such a ham. No idea who he gets it from...
Anyways, this is a good picture because it shows silliness, it shows us doing a thing, and it makes people smile!

In an honest-to-goodness dating profile, you want to present yourself as the sort of person that someone could see themselves not only liking, but as a person they could have fun with. I think it's a huge part of me that I have luau birthdays and it was SO fun!

My last stop on my insane California day of solo adventure: a rocky outcropping that stretched into the Pacific! I don't exactly know what it says about me, but nothing bad, to be sure!

Well, quite simply, I look good, and I love the rainbow scarf Jessi made me! It's also quite honest with my hairline.

This picture is me trying my best to portray the person I want to be. Smiles, kindness, confidence. And it shows my whole body, not just the face! (Certainly helps that I've lost a lot of weight!)

This is a good picture, because it's me doing the thing I do. I edit books and drink coffee. And while it's still work and still feels like work, it's good work, and I'm really good at it!

Okay, yes, in my case, that's NINE thousand words. Yes, I know I said six pictures. But you know what, I'm not actually making a dating profile, so I can do however many pictures I want!

Now then, let's move onto the next tenet:

2) Be comfortable in your own skin.

In a dating profile, you're looking to find someone to be with. Okay, slow down there, you lusty rascal, not just for one night. (No judgment here if that's what you're after, but you're derailing my entire post.) You're finding someone to be with, and to be yourself with. In a dating profile, if you're looking for an actual partner to be with, you don't want to misrepresent yourself.

So you find yourself not just describing your best attributes, but being honest with what you want, and what you need. And this is something it takes some growing up to figure out. I know me. I know me well enough to know that I am not ambitious, but I work well with routines and systems, so I still manage to get a lot of things done. I know that I like to play videogames, and to spend time alone. This is not the thing you'd see on a sparkly clean dating profile, but no one is a sparkly clean person. Be honest with yourself, and treat yourself as best as you know how.

Don't set standards for yourself that you can't reach, and don't present yourself as someone you're not. Be you in the best way that you can.

Which sort of leads into the next tenet:

3) Know your value.

The third one is the most important one. Making a dating profile forces you to face some things that are hard to start looking at. For me, I know I come with a price tag: my most highest-paying opportunity is being a teacher, and I didn't enjoy being a teacher. But I'm relentlessly supportive, and show my love with words and cuddles all the time, and I can make people feel like they belong in a world that's full of crazy. That's my value; that's what I bring to the giant table called Earth.

And that's why I have and love Jessi. She values me for who I am, and she helps me be a better version of myself everyday. We're comfortable with each other. We're happy, and we have fun at home playing board games or dancing at a wedding for hours, or working on our own projects at a coffee shop.

Sorry, imaginary dating profile! I am just so happy in my marriage! <3

We're huggers. We can't pass by each other without a loving squeeze.

She's my favorite adventuring buddy!

I just love being with her!

I love doing stuff with her! She makes everything better!

Daniel and I on a Saturday!

Ever since last summer, Daniel has wanted his own basket of fries from A Bit Twisted Brewpub. Our library was hosting a thing where you could win a beer glass for visiting local breweries, and it was on the list!

As I was checking out what was on tap, Daniel looked over my shoulder, and was like "You can order JUST a basket of fries???"

My sweet guy was not used to the idea that you can order just sides. So I said, "Hey, one of these days, let's go! You can get fries, and I can get a beer!"

And so, last Saturday, we made our move!

 

First, though, we went sledding! It was a warm and sunny day, but still a good slick amount of snow on the ground! Not to mention, I wanted to try and wear Echo out before leaving Jessi with two boys on her own. The boys are each a handful and a half!

And then! We left, and went straight to A Bit Twisted Brewpub! Just as I promised, he got his very own basket of fries, with a side of ranch! I had a pistachio cream ale, and we talked and played and hung out. It was a good time to talk with him one-on-one, which isn't an opportunity I feel like I get all that often, even though I know it's important! He's a really fun kid.

Just as he was finishing up his basket of fries, he said, "When's the next time we can go bowling?"

So we set our next destination!

We both decided that the lighter bowling balls are just more fun to play with, as well as bumpers! We had a great time (even though we weren't doing all that great), and Daniel got a spare on the TENTH FRAME!!! Great time to finally pick up the spare!

We turned our sights towards home, but as we were talking, I decided to stop by the place where I had one of my first jobs: McDonald's!

Daniel and I had soft serve ice cream (no surprise, it was delicious) and he played on the PlayPlace. It was a strange, bittersweet time, watching him. He's so big nowadays, and I feel like we lost two years where he was the perfect size to play in the little indoor playground. But he was such a good guy, talking to and playing with younger kids, having me time him as he ran up the slide, and all in all, I am proud of my boy. He's rowdy, but he's FUN. He's messy, but he's CREATIVE. He's sensitive, but he's KIND.

He's a good kid, and he's going to be a good guy when he grows up. I am proud of the job I'm doing.
;)