Me time???

 This is all new to me! I have TIME now! To myself! And I want to spend a good while just recovering first. Weekends are still stressful, and well, the kids DO come home every day, and by golly, I'm not going to feel bad for taking care of myself.

Every day, I want to do something artistic.

Today, I painted a rock to look like a hot dog. It was awesome. I'm not the sort of person who can come up with ideas all the time, but luckily, I like to doodle. I can take a blank sheet of paper and a pen (I prefer pens, I don't know why!) and make something. And plenty of internet things let me generate ideas. I could even write, if I wanted to! I rarely want to, because writing has more rules to follow than doodles, but if I've got the energy, which I may have someday, that'd be great!

Every week, I want to think of something to do with one of the boys.

Something that has recently creeped up to scare me is the fear that my kids won't want to hang out with me when they grow up. I have a rule in my head to have more positive interactions with people than negative ones, and with my kids, I want to take it a step further. I want to have a THING with each kid, something that, in years to come, I can say "Remember how we used to ___?" Or, even better, "I can't believe we've been doing ___ every week since you were a kid!"

Whenever I feel like a nap, I'm going to take a nap.

I've been exhausted for years and years, and hey, maybe that's because I love staying up with Jessi doing stuff. So I want to take a nap. I'm really good at getting chores done, but there are some chores that never end: organizing everything, getting the clothes folded and put away, etc. When it comes to priority, those endless chores come after my nap. I get emotionally beat pretty quickly, but I have a chance to not be physically tired all the time!

I'm going to have a clean house.

Generally, I like cleaning. I like popping my wireless earbuds into my head and listening to some book while scrubbing counters. When the house is not clean, it's like the kids have some sort of secret permission to take it and make it even LESS clean! Not to mention, Jessi and I just feel better about everything when we're living in a nice and clean place.

I'm going to hit the gym!

Back in April, I started going to the gym, and it made me feel better! My shoulder stopped hurting, and it was a great way to start the day! Sweet old April Woody thought that it would be the solution to all my stressful problems and I'd seen the end of it! But then my boys started waking up earlier and earlier, and before I knew it, my time to hit the gym was swallowed up. I have a set of weights at home, and, yeah, I should probably get better at using those, too, but there's something about going to a place dedicated to working out!

I'm going to read!

I know what you're thinking. "Woody, you always read!" And, well, sure, that's definitely true. At the moment, I have a fun audiobook I'm listening to, a long audiobook I'm listening to, a physical book I'm reading, and a Kindle book I'm reading. Perhaps it would be better to say, "I'm going to continue to read!" I'm proud that reading doesn't take much energy for me, and it's a delight to constantly have stories going through my head. Besides, it's probably good practice for my editing career! Speaking of which...

I'm going to edit!

By now, you know that my dreams have shifted over to the idea that editing books is my destiny. I've got experience, and I'm pretty good at it! I'm personable with authors, and I love to read! I love to help people make something worth reading, and it offers a flexible schedule so I can keep up with the kids! Someone offered me some work editing non-fiction articles, and I'm excited to try it out, see how it feels! Oh man, and Jessi's book needs to be out in the world! I'm so happy with how it is, and I want to help get it out there. It's the sort of fun and great book that needs to be on our shelf.

I want to keep working towards the person I want to be. It's been difficult, which is a hard thing to admit, but throughout the last couple of crazy years, I've still noticed that I'm here. Whenever I have energy, I spend it sharing happiness with people. Whenever I'm without my kids, I'm smiling and chatting with strangers like we're friends!

I'm getting there!

Hot dog rock!

Summer coming to an end!

 I like the summer, and I knew going into it that it was going to be hard! The sun is out later, which means the kids are up later, and Daniel was home all day every day!

A week before school ended, I told Jessi that this summer was probably going to be really fun and really stressful. And it was both!

I can give myself two heaping scoops of pats on the back. I took my kids to libraries and pools, parks and fairs. I hiked Red Rocks with Echo, I decorated cupcakes with Crash, and I played Dungeons & Dragons with Daniel. We were inside and outside, reading on couches and playing videogames on the back deck. We hung out with the cousins, school friends, out-of-town friends.

I think, though, that school is going to be the turning point. Just me and Echo, just the one kid (clingy though he is) should be much easier on me. I truly believe that I need to heal and relearn how to be myself. I've set myself aside for these kids, but I'm going to take a step in getting me back. It might take a while; I'm going to treat myself as though I've been through a traumatic time of my life, and hey, that's not far from the truth!

In one week, I'm lessening my load, and I'm going to try and remember how to sit in front of a blank piece of paper and fill with with wonderful things. First, though, I'm going to try and clean up the house. I really don't mind chores! I can do chores.

Something else that I'm shoehorning in here, is that I love one concept of dating profiles; the "here are 5 or 6 pictures that showcase me at my happiest, proudest, and most representative of who-I-am" setup. So I've been trying to get pictures of me. Because throughout all this, I know that I love me.

I get the feeling that I complain about my kids a lot. And while I consider that a healthy venting response for me, it's not fair to the boys. They're wonderful and creative kids who like to have fun, and love to bring fun with them. Spending time with them has reminded me to see spectacles in the patterns of rocks, of how nice it is to hold something and throw it because it's fun to throw, fun to see all the things you can do in this world. They're new to being alive, is what it is, and it's a wonder to watch their awe.

It's time for summer to come to an end.

And (wow I'm actually choking up writing this) I hope it's time for me to get a break.

:)

Ugly sourdough! (But hey, I tried!)

See the little crowns? We dressed up for the Renaissance Festival!

My sweet little Echo guy getting a "Big Bear carry!"

Good picture of my face!

Good picture of Daniel's face!

Even a fence is an adventure!

They're learning how to smile for a camera, haha, sweet boys.
Building Legos at the library!

Jumping on rocks at Anchor Point!

A bit silly, but hey, I look good!

Crash Boy the silly boy!