Dadmaster: Summer coming to an end!

I like the summer, and I knew going into it that it was going to be hard! The sun is out later, which means the kids are up later, and Daniel was home all day every day!

A week before school ended, I told Jessi that this summer was probably going to be really fun and really stressful. And it was both!

I can give myself two heaping scoops of pats on the back. I took my kids to libraries and pools, parks and fairs. I hiked Red Rocks with Echo, I decorated cupcakes with Crash, and I played Dungeons & Dragons with Daniel. We were inside and outside, reading on couches and playing videogames on the back deck. We hung out with the cousins, school friends, out-of-town friends.

I think, though, that school is going to be the turning point. Just me and Echo, just the one kid (clingy though he is) should be much easier on me. I truly believe that I need to heal and relearn how to be myself. I've set myself aside for these kids, but I'm going to take a step in getting me back. It might take a while; I'm going to treat myself as though I've been through a traumatic time of my life, and hey, that's not far from the truth!

In one week, I'm lessening my load, and I'm going to try and remember how to sit in front of a blank piece of paper and fill with with wonderful things. First, though, I'm going to try and clean up the house. I really don't mind chores! I can do chores.

Something else that I'm shoehorning in here, is that I love one concept of dating profiles; the "here are 5 or 6 pictures that showcase me at my happiest, proudest, and most representative of who-I-am" setup. So I've been trying to get pictures of me. Because throughout all this, I know that I love me.

I get the feeling that I complain about my kids a lot. And while I consider that a healthy venting response for me, it's not fair to the boys. They're wonderful and creative kids who like to have fun, and love to bring fun with them. Spending time with them has reminded me to see spectacles in the patterns of rocks, of how nice it is to hold something and throw it because it's fun to throw, fun to see all the things you can do in this world. They're new to being alive, is what it is, and it's a wonder to watch their awe.

It's time for summer to come to an end.

And (wow I'm actually choking up writing this) I hope it's time for me to get a break.