So, while I'm very stressed (had a rough go at the dentist this morning, and the day has just NOT let up), I figured I may as well list off the symptoms of me being very stressed!
My chest feels tight, and my heart is pounding. My throat feels swollen, like you're getting over a sore throat. The world is a little bit fuzzy, as if my mind knows that a small thing could tip me over the edge, so it sort of blurs everything, like I'm not entirely in my body, but a little behind it.
Things that slightly annoy me become the sorts of things that make me physically flinch. Echo playfully stepping in front of me while I'm trying to walk somewhere, because he's a goober, makes me recoil, as if in pain.
My stomach aches, like I've eaten too much. At the same time, I just want to eat tasty things and feel anything other than stress. Chocolate is good. Lots of chocolate is even better.
On a more psychological level, I avoid people. I don't want hugs, I don't want to talk it out, I want to go into a soundproof room and turn off the lights. I don't have the energy that it takes, so I look away rather than meeting anyone's eyes, I let conversations drift off, and I make it clear that I'm doing something else, like reading.
I'm tired, even though I'm not sleepy. I can't think of anything that would actually recharge my batteries, so I lie down and try to sleep, because sleep is anywhere but here.
Just to keep it clear, I'm not sad, and I'm not anxious. I'm stressed. I've got an insurance-covered coach that I talk to, who comes with a program on stress, anxiety, and worry. My stress is through the roof! On a good note, my anxiety and worry aren't even making a wave.
So what do I do?
That's a good question. One of the reasons I'm stressed is because I can't easily leave my boys alone. They fight, they complain, they break things, and they poop their pants. They also very rudely ignore my attempts to stay in the background, and want me to help them with everything. I explain how I feel, but I can tell they don't really understand, so they don't know how to help.
I try to get more time alone, but stress is a real kick in the pants, because when my stress is at its highest, that's when I'm needed most, when my boys are doing things that are making things hard. That's when I can't leave.
I try to look ahead to a better time, but I have a hard time seeing it. Echo is needy, dude, and when it's just him and me, it'll be hard to be away from him once Crash is at school.
I try to live my own life even with kids. The breweries have been fun, but I'm still with kids, keeping them from running into roads, handling their complaints, and solving their problems, even with a beer in my hands.
That's a lot of "I try" statements, and hey, there's probably not a good solution right now, so that's okay.
I do breathing exercises. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Repeat. I listen to my own music, with headphones in. (Even though it's interrupted often, it still helps.) I make it through the day, and I do things. I relentlessly do things with my kids. I don't stop being a good dad, and I try and tell myself it'll be better.
Anyways. I'm gonna keep on trying to get through today.
All the best!
Added a few minutes later:
It's important to say, I'm really happy. And that might sound really dumb to say. Here I am, so stressed that I'm sick, but I have so much to smile about. My stress is awful, no doubt, but I live a happy life. I'm in a good situation. I have so much fun.
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