I've been at this for half of a year. Still haven't made too much progress on my world-famous novel, and I am still at about Chubby lbs (in kilos, that's Chubby/2.2), and my latent magical powers are still latent.
But the best is yet to come! Here's what I've gathered from the Internet about six-month babies, and here's what it means!
Linguistic development
DanPar should be:
-babbling to get attention
-laughing and smiling
-mimicking sounds
What does this mean???
Given that our kiddo is going to learn how to cheaply desalinate, sterilize, and transport sea water, by the time the 2015 Nobel laureates are announced in October, he should be able to write his own acceptance speech.
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| I'm almost certain that's what it says on all Nobel Prizes. |
But really.
No more swear words from his parents, even though they're almost always just for comedic effect. But what counts as a profanity? I
mean, I grew up thinking that “butt” was a bad word. So, butt’s probably fine. But what about stupid? What about approximations? “dang” and “fricking” and “heck”? Parenting is weird. (I made a survey below. I hope it works!)
Also, he’ll start understanding the sense of my words from my
inflection, so I can start making up stories, and they don’t need to make
sense, they just need to be intense!
(Time to keep making up my Johns family stories!) And, actually, I’ve done this with 2nd
graders. They looooooooooove stories
that don’t make sense.
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| That is, of course, from the adventures of Big Duck and Angry Angry Hippo. |
Cognitive development
DanPar should be:
-recognizing people
-playing turn-by-turn games
What does this mean???
After our boy hero provides the world access to clean water, he will go around and meet everyone. Since he will be able to know everyone, he will be able to think up solutions to solve all conflicts, and everyone on earth will be happy.
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| Yes, and he'll figure it all out in the library bathroom. You know that's where good ideas come from. |
But really.
He’s gonna start realizing that there are more people in the
world than his mom and him (and his dad, on good days). All the NPCs are truly people. But it’s weird, because you know that
everyone has a hard time realizing that fully. It's a tough concept to grasp, the idea that strangers all matter. *deep thoughts*
He’ll actually
learn games, and be able to play games! Even if the game is “let's roll the ball at each other”, he’ll be able to play
them. So, it’s no longer me doing things
to make him smile, but us doing things together! That's huge!
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| He's gonna be able to tell "mom" and "not-mom" apart! |
Physical development
DanPar should be:
-sitting up with a little support
-working on crawling
-rolling from tummy to back and vice versa
What does this mean???
Now that everyone on earth is happy, the aliens will arrive to try to ruin our days. With his superpowered MUSCULOS (sounds better in Spanish), DanPar will ninja kick them into the sun, and arm-wrestle their leader until they surrender and offer to fold all of our laundry for forever.
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| His mom will help, of course. He's got to learn those skillllz somewhere! |
But really.
I am never going to be able to rest. He’ll start crawling, so I’ll start vacuuming
all the time, sticking pads onto every treacherous corner. (Including that one corner of the roof that
hangs down just low enough to gouge me.)
But oh! New baby clothes!
Okay, guys, I have to admit, even though I don’t like shopping, I love
shopping for baby clothes. Why? Because I can get things that are clever, or
things that match, or anything I want!
So, happy half birthday, kiddo! I love you, and even though I'm going to miss you as you are now, I know there's so much in store! Do good and kick ass, my boy!
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| Best picture ever taken ever. |
So, happy half birthday, kiddo! I love you, and even though I'm going to miss you as you are now, I know there's so much in store! Do good and kick ass, my boy!
"Do good and kick ass, my boy!"
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