The Deputy

This guy is now a responsible deputy.

It's been one month since Crash has been out in the real world, and DanPar loves his little brother. DanPar brings him a pacifier when he's crying (and tosses it at his face), DanPar rocks his swing (with all the force he can muster), and DanPar plays with him (by smacking him and laughing).

DanPar's baby brother Crash. Also sometimes his toy.

Today I spanked DanPar for hitting Crash in the face. It was the first time I'd done anything like it, and I don't feel good about it. I know I was spanked, and I think I turned out all right, but I was mad at the little guy when I did it. Just one wallop on the behind, but I don't like the idea of being mad and hitting anyone. Even when it's due punishment.

He cried, and even though I'd been the one to yank, yell, and spank, he leaned right into me for a hug. like he always does when something's wrong. I've spent so much time just me and the DanPar, it's strange to think that things have changed and our dynamic will never be the same.

DanPar joining his little brother for tummy time.

But that's okay.

Tonight we were fighting with foam letters, shouting the letter names as we threw them, and I grabbed him and we roughhoused like usual, and it struck me that someday he'll be able to pick me up, It made me happy, and also, in a weird weird contradictory way, it made me nostalgic for right now. Someday there'll be a day when I can't pick him up and flip him upside-down, with haapy shrieks and giggles filling the air. So I made a few lists.

"T!!!!"

Here's what I've already loved:
-I used to read violent comics with him before he could even start to understand.
-We would listen to podcasts and books with bad words.
-The world was new, and every walk was an adventure.
-He would sleep whenever we were in the car.
-DanPar was always the littlest one at storytime.

With one turn of the nozzle, I could teach this kid how harsh THE REAL WORLD IS.

I'm going to enjoy this now:
-Paper airplanes bewilder and delight him.
-I accidentally teach him phrases like "Tebow time".
-He will mimic animal sounds and amplify them tenfold.
-Whatever he does, whether it's beg for pineapple or play with chalk, his whole heart is in it.
-Watching the garbage truck rumble by is a highlight.
-DanPar remarks on his little brother, even pointing out "Yellow poop!"

He really wanted more pineapple.

But I can't wait until:
-We can play Chutes and Ladders, and eventually Dungeons and Dragons.
-I can help him with homework and science projects and read together.
-I can teach him to give handshakes and say thanks.
-He can give me a handshake and tell me thanks.
(tearing up, hold on)
-I can tease him in front of his friends by bringing out the baby pictures.
-He can carry me, wrestle me, and we can fight with foam swords.
-He can recommend a book to me, and email me news articles.
-He can make a Fantasy Football team with semi-educated decisions (like his old man!).
-We can drink coffee together in the morning and beer together in the evening.
-We can tell each other that we love each other.

I've heard that childhood memories seem like bigger deals because when you're young and you attend 2nd grade, that's one eighth of your entire life! But one year at my age isn't even one twenty-fifth. But I fully intend to make every year, every day, matter with this little guy. He's been my world for the entire time we've spent together on this earth. And now he's got to be one of the big boys in our family, and he's only 1.

And he's the greatest 1 year-old ever.