Stress according to a stressed person

My heart feels like it's beating fast, even though it's normal. My stomach feels tight, and it hurts when I eat.

Every face other than an staring into the distance is a brave face.

Everything takes energy, and energy takes a lot.

I can't just make things not stressful. I can't just teach myself to not feel a pang when my kids cry, shout, or are needy.

When I'm like this, in the back of my mind I know that my life expectancy is just ticking down, like these days count for double when it comes to deterioration.

I lose my temper.

I feel bad when I'm stressed, because I feel like my kids should have a less stressed person taking care of them.

I just stopped crying, and couldn't remember why I started.

And I wish it were just one thing. But the truth is, I just gravitate this way. When I get a break, it's just a matter of time until I'm back here.

Glad I'm not depressed!

Hey, sure, let's get into some things I'm grateful for.

My boys are good at playing together. All three of them. So when I'm sitting there, trying to just hold myself together, they can handle it.
It's convenient at least that taking a break for me is just being alone. If taking a break were being at a party, that'd take work! Instead, all I need is a place away from people and some headphones.
Thank goodness for the things I've built. I've got a big workload on a normal day, and I can drop some things. My chores, my editing, my calorie counting, my games. These are all things that it's a shame to fall behind on, but I can squeeze out some extra energy from them.
My coffee is great.

In fact, let's go back to that one. About my routines, about the things I've built.
I've done a damn good job at making things low-energy. Washing dishes, spraying off diapers, taking out the trash, those aren't hard for me to do, because I'm so used to them. And other things, like kindness. I'm not gonna say I'm naturally mean-spirited, but it would be easier for me to be a bit meaner. It takes energy to be kind. But not a lot, because it's something I've practiced on for ages.

I'm pretty great. That's the kind of person I want to be. The kind of person who's been practicing on how to be kind and productive for so long that even on days like this, on my absolute worst days, I can still make it through while being proud of myself.

Okay, I'm off to face the day, wish me luck!
This worked. I'm doing better. Not like "all better". More like "-3 is higher than -5" better.
But it's a start, and I'm okay with that!
-Woody