Writing!

 I was talking to Bucky just yesterday, and yeah, we've both got that gene that lets us come up with stories on the spot. Wacky, zany, fun stories, and the ability to tie them in a neat bow.

But MAN, I just can't write a story that I want to for the life of me. Like, I can sit and pound out words, but the words make me dread the time that I'll have to go back and read through it all. I'm worried my trained editor's eye will be a little too judgmental on my own stuff!

But just yesterday, I picked up a little game, a one-player rpg where you draw cards from a deck, and they determine what your little adventurer encounters, where they are, what they find, and you write a journal about it. And I LOVE it. Because there's no plot, there's just Remi, wandering around a magical continent and meeting all kinds of people that, thanks to that aforementioned quirk, are all too easy to populate. I can create a character from nothing and make them unique, and then, with the next draw of cards, they'll be in the rear view!

It's the sort of skill that I have enjoyed, and I wish it could easily translate into the full-on books that I want to someday write.

One thing I have a fun time coming up with, are what I call concepts. Things that make a scene interesting on their face, even if the words (my words especially) fail to live up to all the interesting things I feel like I have to say.

So, for example, a concept for one scene is: A man finds a snooper going through his stuff, and he captures him. But he recognizes that this snooper is someone he promised an old friend to give an artifact to. So, he's got the strange situation where he's hostile towards the intruder, but at the end, he has to be like, "Oh yeah, and your dad told me to give you this."

Or, an overarching concept of the book is: The main character has a handful of superpowers; however, her ultimate goal is to get rid of these superpowers. So, instead of her getting stronger as the forces of badness mount against her, she's actively getting weaker; I guess someone needs to grow in ways other than her raw power, huh?

I love writing, and I love reading. And it feels good when I produce something that I feel is just halfway passable. The Adventurer journal is boatloads of fun!

Here are my boys making silly faces!

Working on the Matte Biscuit!

 I love this house. It's great for entertaining, and with the nine kids all wandering through and throughout everywhere (I've found the basement door leading outside open all the time!), it's a source of pride how often all the kids end up here.

Recently, I've tried to have some crafty thing on hand to do. We've never really had much of a problem with the boys playing videogames, but with all the cousins around, whenever one of them wants to play, everyone gets in on it! And while it's awesome they can all grab a controller and get on it, I want to make sure they're getting their imagination exercised.

Thankfully, they love building with Legos. DanPar especially has been having a great time building dungeons, and I love how quickly they can adapt whatever scenario they're playing in to include each other. They are sweet in that they always want to include each other. Just yesterday they had a Lego tower building competition!

Our house is always in the middle of three or more projects. And I accepted that as part of my vows, I believe! I'm very tired, but it's so nice every time I step back and look at all that's been done. Especially as we've been playing catch-up with the others in the Loft Club, who had a couple months' head start!

I could use some more free time; I always feel like whenever I've got time without the boys, I should either be doing something with them or sleeping. Life is still tough. It's getting better, and it's so nice to see it getting built up better and better, but I've been conscious of the time passing me by. I have very little energy nowadays, and any energy I build up is quickly allocated to something that needs to be done. Lots of things need to be done. It drags me down how little is left for everything else.

Uuuugh. I'm looking forward to the wintry months. Hopefully I'll be able to get through them without being too busy. I feel like I'm always trying to keep the house clean, the boys fed, the laundry going, and even then, I sometimes fall behind.

It's nice to not be doing this alone; Jessi helps whenever I ask, and I'm surrounded by kind family who are all going through similar situations. It's less tumultuous to know that this is the house that will be our home for, well, forever as far as I'm concerned! Someday, I'll be caught up and rested. Not a priority right now? Hurts to say it, but yeah, I guess that's the case.

Well, downer Woody has had a lot to say, and you know what, that's fair. I wouldn't expect anyone to suck it up and act like all is well around me, and I won't hold myself to any different standard. But you know what? Every day begins with a great cup of coffee, and it's always a good start to the day.

I'm doing what I can to keep it together while also moving forward.

Things are getting there. Things are getting better. It's a shame that we can't just fix everything in one go. Everything's a process.

I'm starting up a new Dungeons and Dragons campaign with Andrew and some of his friends. I think it's going to be a lot of fun! I'm the Dungeonmaster, and I'm in the mood to provide one of the greatest gametime experiences these guys have ever had! I'm a bit anxious because I feel like it's this huge thing for me, and it might not be for them! To me, it's the ability to create stories with friends! But maybe they just want to pretend that they can smash giant spiders. And you know what? That's okay. I just need to practice not pushing them into it.

Maybe I'm the only one looking forward to the winter, but oh, I am! I like chilly weather, especially with my tasty coffee, a warm home, and fun games to play with people I like!

Dad and Daniel do Kindergarten!

 We're through one week of Kindergarten, and so far, so okay! DanPar started off really shy, and, well, he's still shy, but at least he's willing to sit in front of the camera now!

DanPar's first class, lying on the ground away from the computer.

He's very quiet, very hesitant to talk, but last time he confided in me that he did want to share his drawing of what makes him special, so I told him to raise his hand. He barely raised it; it was under his shoulder. But Ms. Furay (pronounced "fury") noticed it, and Daniel talked all about his exploding creeper shirt, how much he likes Cap'n Crunch, and his four-layer rainbow dice!

He's my special guy!

He's been doing better each day; I've been next to him every time, as we start with small 30-minute classes. We'll see how he does this week, when we extend them to 90 minutes! I may have to leave to take care of the others as we go; we'll see!

Very much improved!

Well, there's nothing like Kindergarten to get my own thoughts on track. It's nice to think about those very fundamental concepts, and it's been, I don't know, therapeutic? We talked about what to do when you're worried (talk about it), and what makes us special! For me, it's that I like Dungeons and Dragons, I listen to NPR, I like spicy things, and I help people see that they belong and that they matter. (That last one is sort of my personal superpower.)

There was a lesson on hopes and dreams, and DanPar drew himself fighting a zombie. And that's all right by me. Maybe I could make a game where he pretends to do different jobs when he grows up. But what's important to me now is that he knows how to play nice, be nice, and follow directions when asked by an adult in charge. He's my very good boy.

He's doing a good job, and it's fun for me to sit down and participate in all of their activities!

It's a crazy world, it's not the Kindergarten we were all asking for, but by gum, it's the Kindergarten we've got, and we're making the most of it! I am proud of my boy.

New house in a week!

So, my last post was a bit gloomy-doomy and, uh, testes-westes, but hey, I was afraid, so fine. As it is, I still feel some strain if I've been on my feet for a while, and they are extremely sensitive! But after a week of steroids, the swelling is almost gone, and I'm feeling better about the whole situation.

So it's time to DREAM!!!!

About the new house!

Okay, I want our house to be super inviting, super nice, and super fun.

Inviting:

- Upon entering the first time, people know where to put their shoes, where to get a glass of water, where to get a snack, and where to get some washcloths. (Ever make a mess at someone's house and not know where the stuff to clean it up is?) I want things to be nice, but not to feel like you're not allowed to kick your feet up, lest you leave a fingerprint.

Nice:

- Keep the floor level area tidy, have a place for everything and keep everything in its place. Sure, there will most likely be a place for "here's stuff I'll have to get to but I can't right now", but it'll be someplace where it looks nice. And the kids' toy boxes will have labels! And hey, I could do with a stick vacuum to use after every meal!

Fun:

- I want activities to be around, even if they're a bit hidden. Crossword puzzles in the coffee table; jigsaw puzzles next to books on a shelf; interactive pictures on the wall. Oh, and if you go upstairs? Welcome to the loft, aka FUN TIME METROPOLIS CITY EXTREEEEEEEME!!!! Art supplies, books galore, toys toys toys!

I look forward to living in my own house, making my own rules, telling my boys that I love how much fun they're having. They are wonderful boys, and I'm now just so excited to get to work on the house where they're going to grow up!

Sweet Echo loves chalk, which he calls "color", and DanPar loves putting powdered chalk onto his face!

Some sweet guys just playing at the church park!

DanPar made a little DanPar pancake with red pickleball shoes!

Echo likes pancakes! Especially with chocolate chips and pancakes!

Crash Boy tends to only eat the peanut butter and chocolate off the top... must be why he's so sweet!

I made the boys as adults in The Sims 4!

Playing with some boxes!

Fishing pole grappling hooks are the only things keeping them from sliding down into the quicksand!!!

Our very short paper chain! Only a few days left, we can make it!

Hanging out at Kip's house, playing with the big pool, splashing around!

I'll remember the view, that's for sure!

I'm working on another list of things I'm going to remember from this summer! It's been a crazy summer, and by golly, I'm going to remember the good stuff!

Vasectomy fears

So, it's been 11 days since my vasectomy, and things still aren't right. I'm scared that the soreness isn't going to go away. They said there was a 2% chance of chronic pain, and I'm just terrified I'm one of those 2%.

I want to be able to lift things and carry them into my own house.

I want to see kids running after me and open my arms instead of cringing back.

I want to hold my boys in my lap again.

I'm scared that at the age of 31 I've already done something that will continue hurting me and holding me back.

As it is, it's hard to describe. If anything touches my, er, afflicted area, it hurts. If I'm up and walking around for a while, it starts to ache. Stairs are a bit of a strain. It feels better when I sit down, but getting up and sitting down hurts, so when I'm up, I try to get everything done.

On my left side, there's some sort of almond-sized swelling that's gotten smaller since the surgery, but has stayed the same for the last few days. That's the major source of pain, that right there. On my right side, there's some nerve or vein or something that gets an ache if I've been up and about, or if I go up and down stairs.

I'm trying to avoid all pain, hoping that it'll heal better if I don't do anything to aggravate it. But in the meantime, I still have all my boys to deal with, and I'm constantly sitting down and getting up. I don't know what sort of help to ask for, because I figured I'd get help until I got better. And I'm still waiting on that. So it's not like I know what I need, because I don't know if I need anything. When is it time to just bear through it?

I've called the urologists three times now, and they haven't been worried. But then again, it's not their nuts on the line here. It's not infected, and they've told me it's nothing I need to be rushed in to get taken care of. I just really don't want to be like this forever. I'm hoping that in a week, everything will be hunky dory. But the idea that things might be okay someday isn't exactly a cure for my worries.

What if I took it too hard that first week? What if I shouldn't have made the doctor laugh? What if I just never got the procedure done?

I'm scared that I'm never going to be 100% again.

What will I remember?

The same podcast that told me that I'll forget things that I don't write down also recommended that we take advantage of this time of our lives to make an effort to choose what we will remember! Otherwise, our memory will be of remembering the things we couldn't do.

So here's what I'll remember doing!

Jigsaw puzzles!

We started giving Crash and DanPar some jumbo puzzles, of the United States and of the solar system! DanPar always wants to take things further when he knows there's a step further, so he asked for one of the 550 piece puzzles! Haha, okay, sure thing, kiddo! But, within a couple weeks, we, the adults, found ourselves staying up at night to finish putting them together! I'd never been big into puzzles, but during the quarantine, we got into it!

The puzzles our boys started doing!

Eventually, we moved onto bigger and better things!

Dailyish fountain walks!

Most days, I just needed a chance to get out and plug in my earbuds and listen to the news. Mom insisted that wearing out the boys outside was really important, and while I can't disagree, the wagon is just so handy. Easy to take care of the boys when they're all nice and contained! It's about a ten-minute walk to the fountain at the entrance to Mom's neighborhood, and it was great to get out.

We found a worm!

What happy boys!

Bath bombs!

Jessi loves herself some hobbies, and she'd just started getting into bath bombs when everything went down. The lockdown, the house selling, all of it. But even in the middle of it all, she kept close track of her bath bomb supplies we'd ordered! Every once in a while, when she was "working", she'd call me in to smell some scents she'd ordered and get my opinion. The first time she used a bath bomb, it was such a strong cherry flavor that the entire basement smelled overpoweringly delicious for days! We have both been taking more baths than normal, because, hey, we've got to use them up before we jut overproduce! Also, baths are delightful. 

This is just a picture I stole from the internet, but ours are basically like this but better!

Sourdough!

Jessi loves herself some hobbies, as I feel like I've mentioned, and everyone benefits from them. We put out some water, some flour, and let the natural yeast in the air get into it! Just last night, we baked our first loaf, and it's already almost gone! It's super tasty, it turned out great, and that's just after a two-week old starter! We already have plans to bake another loaf tomorrow!

Yummmmm! The crust is so good!

Apparently one of the secrets is baking it in a thing with a lid!

DanPar Mountain, Crash Boy Hill, Echo Meadow!

There's a big open grassy space next to Mom's house, and the boys enjoy going over to look at the little stream, where we found crawdads! And we flew a kite out there! And we've gone on picnic up on top of a little hill (called DanPar Mountain, or DanPar's Famous Mountain), and we even planted some little flags just in case any other young explorers start getting the idea that they got there first!

Windy day for my sweet brave Echo Guy!

Picnic up on DanPar Mountain!

Home Gallery!

In the middle of all this, our house kept moving forward. So of the few times we left our house, two of them were to travel to the Home Gallery and choose what the interior of our house would look like! Jessi came with everything prepared, and my job was twofold: First, to give my opinion, which outside of the kitchen sink, wasn't always too strong, and Second, to make sure that Jessi got all her questions out there and move things along. Our designer Robin could barely keep up with us, and we were in constant email contact with her! After the first session, we were excited but nervous. After the second session, however, we were PSYCHED. We were bursting at the seams with how awesome things were going to look!

THAT is what I'm talking about. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I just thought it was interesting to take note that we had to touch every sample with gloves on. What a weird year.

A big picture of a bunch of different samples that we're using!

Into The Breach!

I love me some videogames, and during the quarantine, I started playing Into The Breach! I fought off a bunch of aliens, saved the Earth several times over, and eventually, I got 100% of all the achievements! It was great. I don't have too much more to say, but I enjoyed it SO MUCH.

At this point, the game was impossible. There was a 18% chance I could've won, but the odds didn't pan out. I really really tried, though. It was hard enough getting this far with only flying mechs! (One of my last achievements!)

Black Bean Burger Thursdays!

We're not vegetarians, but fun cooking is fun, and what's more fun than competition? Every Thursday, we've been taking turns preparing black bean burgers! I liked mine best, but everyone has done a very good job with them! Joe, for his part, bought some MorningStar black bean burgers, and I'm glad for it! It's been fun to have this weekly tradition! We have yet to decide on who's is winning the trophy, so we're all going to keep making them!

Mine were ugly, but I really liked them, and everyone went back for seconds!

Mom's stuck together best, and were probably the best...for NOW....

"I belong to the sea!"

Echo loves the water, and we didn't really know it until we went to Hine Lake and we couldn't get him out of there! I had to grab him and drag him away, and as soon as I set him down, he'd turn around and toddle as fast as he could towards the lake! Speaking for him, I dramatically said "I belong to the sea!" and it was just the funniest thing Mom or the boys had ever heard, so now we say it whenever the little guy expresses his fondness for the water! Which, considering we've been filling up the turtle kiddie pool in the backyard every day, is pretty often!

Our trip out to Hine Lake! What a fun group!

The turtle pool!

I'm going to write these out and put them up somewhere so I can remember what I'm choosing to remember from this CRAZY time!

Sabaton

In the last several years, I've taken to overthinking my characters that I make, for both books and rpgs and all that. So when Hodey invited me to play in his latest DnD session, I promised myself that I wouldn't get in my own way, that I would make a character like I used to, when I was young.

I remember my younger self, and the DnD characters I made were ridiculous. I always made them out to be some incredible fate-changing hero whose life had been filled with danger and misadventure, and when it came to the actual game, they were usually awful, and could be killed by an above-average-sized rat with a sharp stick.

But you know what? I really enjoyed making those sorts of characters.

Enter Sabaton, with a backstory involving evil cults, taking the place of a dead person, and intense other bits and pieces. I gave Hodey different ideas of how my past could come back and haunt me. And Schwan had mentioned he might want to be a changeling, a type of character who could change their appearance to look like someone else, so I jumped on and said "I'll be your brother!" Of course, he ended up being a half-elf, but I liked the idea, so I stayed a changeling.

So I had a paladin with a haunted past who would violently protect his current situation, who was neither good nor evil, but had dabbled in both. He wore stolen armor, he carried a cursed sword, and I was ready to play it with the drama and seriousness that I had been waiting for.

And then, in the first session, I opened my mouth, and what came out was... different.

When I spoke in Sabaton's voice, I spoke with such confident bravado that it made everyone laugh and want to punch him. He refused to let his spirits lag in the slightest, and kept everything in a meticulous schedule that he would write "break up a fight" in his agenda before running off to break up the fight.

Despite all the broad dark strokes I tried to paint him with, Sabaton was breathed into life with such vivid coloring! I rewrote his story to add his fun personality. He believes that his life is predestined, that his agenda is Fate itself, and that everyone has free will except for him. In that case, what's the point in caring about right and wrong? If he believed he had free will, it would mean he would take responsibility for the messes he had taken part of in his past.

But mostly, he's just a fun guy, who slaps people on the back and bakes them bread, heals his allies with a snarky word, and speaks with a smile you can see in his voice.

Oh, and he draws their adventures! So every session, I draw what happens! That's the fun part. Ignore all the crap I just wrote. Blog blog blog? More like blah blah blah am I right?

On Barnaby's Dime! Vaelyrian is steering with his mouth, because I refuse to give him arms. He's a wizard, what good are arms anyways?

Sabaton with color! It took some time, but there it is! And I promised myself not to care how cheesy it is. Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

The very first drawing I did of Sabaton. He was pitching an idea to an author, trying to get him to write a story about him.

Early on, one of his things was that he just hated dragons. But now that I've actually played as Sabaton, I'm sure he could find it in his heart to befriend them.

This was our first mission, saving someone who had been captured by slavers. And it's when I first drew Gale (Elawn's floating character) and Loratheras (Schwan's pirate character). I love that I gave them stick arms.

We had all decided to go and get Loratheras' ship back from his evil father, and hey, it's Tim's character Vaelyrian! He doesn't have arms. It's awesome.

We were attacked in the forest, and a bee illusion distracted us from the threats behind us. I think I'll continue adding things onto our characters as we continue. Small designs, patterns, new equipment, until we're all as awesome as Sabaton!

Hodey assigned us the job of coming up with our own crew to sail the high seas! I chose these five, and I had to draw them. After all, characters are more fun to talk about when you can picture what they look like. Now imagine if everyone in the group pictures my silly doodles when they picture all the characters in Hodey's world!

So that's Sabaton. He's awesome. His sword is called Grieve, his shield is called Penitence, and he's the coolest guy ever. I'm wonderful for creating him, and I love my silly drawing style.

Maybe I'll try and do a more realistic drawing of Sabaton's face? If I do, you'll see it, even if it's awful!