Hazards with babies: The parking lot!

I got some time by myself yesterday!  It was AMAZING.  Even just running errands was great.  I got to blast music at a baby-eardrum-bursting volume, and I could toss stuff in the backseat no problem!  (Alas, I still had the crotchety old man attitude towards drivers going 5 over the speed limit.)  And I noticed when I was parking, that I had to make an effort to get past my parental parking instincts.  Here's what it's like to park with a baby!  (Because everyone wants to know!)

So, you're in your car, and your baby is in the back seat, on the right side.  Why?  Because that's the way I did it.  You come to your nearest grocer, and you think, "Oh, there's plenty of spaces open.  I'll just park really quickly and hop in."  DO NOT BE FOOLED.  THE PARKING LOT IS BRIMMING WITH DANGER.  So, here are the four hazards that restrict your options when parking with a baby!

That's you, down in the bottom left.  Lovely sunshiny day, plenty of room in the lot!

Hazard #1: Being a decent human being

I know.  Being a parent of a baby can slow you down.  But c'mon.  I shouldn't have to say this: Unless you are handicapped, you are not handicapped.  No parking in the handicapped zones.

You should be ashamed for even considering those spots.

Hazard #2: Cars next to you

Easy.  Nobody wants to have to squeeze out of the car.  But when you've got a kiddo, you really want the option to open their door all the way.  So, now you've gotta find a spot where whatever side your baby's on is facing anything but a car.

Still totally doable so far...

Hazard #3: The sun

My kiddo's tiny.  And most kids stay tiny for a very long time.  This means their car seat faces backwards.  And if your kid is DanPar, they could stay asleep through ambulance sirens, metal concerts, rocket launches, and concerts celebrating the first space-bound ambulance.  But what wakes them up?  Getting a nice bright beam of sunshine right in their eyes.  And after a car ride, that kid is out, and you want him to stay out.  So, if you're willing to work out the logic with me, if you want the kid facing away from the sun, and he's facing the opposite direction you are, that means when the sun is glaring right in your face, you're doing parenting right!

The giant nuclear ball in the sky denies you half the parking spots!

Hazard #4: Crazed warrior parents

I read an article a few months before DanPar was born about a lady who saw a baby locked in a car.  She instantly ripped the door off with her BARE HANDS (probably) to rescue the child, because you really shouldn't leave a baby in a car.  When I first read that, I was all like, "Nice.  Power to you, lady.  What kind of person would leave their baby in the car?"  NOW, though, I think, "What if I'm just returning my cart?"  So now, because of my totally rational fear of overzealous crazed warrior parents, I refuse to park anywhere too far away from a cart return.

Haha, and you thought you were gonna get that nice spot in the center.  Think again!

And voila!  You have your spot, dear reader!  Way back there, where you are blinded by the sun and have to tote a kid across the entire lot!
BUT HEY, you can remove the kiddo with no problem, said kiddo is asleep, and no crazed warrior parent is going to bash in your windows with their crazed warrior parent fists!

Presto!

I made a little sign below to hang in your car, in case you find that cart return one a little too taxing.