Dad Fashion: midday fitness!

     Now we come to the middle of the day.  This is about the time when you want to take a nap, but your kiddo refuses to.  But hey, I'm just as guilty as anyone else who's left their crying baby for 20 minutes so they can lie down on the couch and sleep through the wailing.  But if a nap is not in the cards, you've got to do something to keep your energy up!  That's why it's time for some energetic exercisestuffs and foodstuffs!  (With help from Star Fox 64 characters, of course!)

Afternoon exercises:
     As a parent, there's nothing I want more than to give my child a good life.  I want to model for him what it means to be fit, to be strong, and to be disciplined.  Also, it wouldn't hurt if I just so happened to look like a stud muffin for his mom.  So, I've come up a few exercises that can be done without any other equipment other than a baby for the morning, to get you up and running for the day!


Exercise #1: The Sandman Sway

     Here's one that I feel like every parent has to master.  Whether you're holding your kiddo in your arms, or in a sling, or in a carrier, if you want him to go to sleep, you need to perfect the harmony of sways and bounces that creates the ideal turbulence that will knock your kid out.

     You hold your kiddo, and rock left and right, bouncing on the balls of your feet.  Pretty easy to do, with or without baby carrier, but you'll realize that, after doing it for 40 minutes while waiting for your kiddo's eyes to close, your legs feel like you've just gone on a long jog.  The thing about this exercise is that you find yourself doing it when you're cooking, doing dishes, writing, or even when you're just watching your kid sleep.  The Sandman Sway becomes second nature to parents.

Areas worked:
Calves
Thighs
Patience


Exercise #2:  The eyelid stretch!

     All right.  Let's assume that your kid is down.  Either he's asleep, or you were like, "Screw it," put the kiddo somewhere safe, and took your 20 minutes while he attempts to drive you crazy, because he is demonstrating the biggest Catch-22 of babydom, he's too upset to fall asleep, because he's tired.  This midday exercise is a process I've done many many times.  Set him down (arm muscles), close the door (wrist muscles), lay down (core muscles), set an alarm (phone muscles), and shut your eyes (eye muscles).

     Naps are wonderful.  I've recently come to the realization that I like napping more than sleeping.  Also, it's preferable if your baby is in a Batman cloth diaper.  Because Batman.

Areas worked:
Arms
Wrists
Core
Phone
Eyelids
Sanity

Lunch!
     Here we go.  I know that you've all been waiting with bated breath after seeing the delicious delicacies I discussed for breakfast.  Well, don't worry!  I keep my rigorous requirements up!  It's gotta be easy to make, good to eat, and reasonably tasty!  Also, they'll probably seem pretty gross in some way!  But really.  This is the sort of thing that I eat.  Parenting begets desperation.


Meal #1:  Nuked potato skins

     If you haven't learned yet, you will.  I love the microwave.  It cooks things fast.  Everything you can put in there can get popped in the dishwasher.  You can tell me about taste all you want, but if I'm just cooking for me, and I've got no one to impress, you can bet it's getting NUKED.

     Here's what you do:

1. Stab a small potato about eight times.  Twelve, if you're frustrated.

2. Nuke it for five minutes on each side.  Careful, that plate's gonna be hot! 

3. Scoop out the potato from the skin, and mix it with salt, pepper, garlic, green onions, cheese, and non-fat Greek yogurt.  (That's right.  I just went there.)

4. Put it all back in the potato skins, and nom away!  Finger food!

You wouldn't believe how well Greek yogurt substitutes for sour cream.  If you're determined to dislike it, you will.  But it's tart, it's creamy, and dude, it's HEALTHY.


Meal #2:  Hogs on a log

     This is a variation on the old classic "ants on a log" celery sticks with peanut butter and raisins.  You can think of it as a grown-up version, but I think of it as a "well, I guess this is all that's in my fridge right now" version.

     Here's what you do:

1. Think about ants on a log, the healthy snack you would come home to as a kid.  Ahh, nostalgia.

2. Get a few stalks of celery.  (Just like ants on a log!)

3. Add peanut butter, except instead of peanut butter, add bbq sauce.  Don't look at me like that, just do it.

4. Add raisins, except instead of raisins, add deli ham wrapped around baby carrots.  Why are you still looking at me like that?!

5. Eat away, and enjoy the nostalgia!

So, this was an invention I created one day at school, when I discovered I had brought only vegetables, ham, bbq sauce, but no bread.  It pretty much disgusted everyone there, but it wasn't bad at all!  Of course, as the creator, I'm biased.  Plus, the name rhymes, which makes it even better.

Apparently he looks just like I did when I was a baby.  The idea scares us both.