DanPar the Fool! 12 month bloopers!

1 month old!

I admit it. There's nothing too particularly weird about this picture. What you have to understand is, when babies are born, they look like aliens. You. You looked like an alien. DanPar looked like an alien. That first month, all we tried to do were find the alien pictures that looked the nicest.

2 months old!

I think he was in the middle of a sneeze. And thankfully, the camera was clicking!

3 months old!

If you've been around that long, yes, I posted this one a year ago. But that's because it's AWESOME. 

4 months old!

This right here is what I imagine all babies look like, to people who don't ever want babies ever.

5 months old!

This one was great. He looks like a dude trying too hard to look cool. Also, this is back when I branded my photos! Good times.

6 months old!

He had just learned to crawl, and we were so happy every time he tried! But when taking pictures, we kept on flipping him onto his back. The face says it all.

7 months old!

Kids start seeing when they're around 2 months old. DanPar, however, was able to see into the infinite abyss of light at 7 months.

8 months old!

The best one ever.

Sometimes your kid is just too silly for one blooper. I don't know what was going on in that kid's head at 8 months, but thank goodness we took one that made him look drunk!

9 months old!

Psyche! At 9 months old, DanPar could not take a bad picture. They were all good. They were all keepers. I considered throwing out all the ones from before 9 months old, and just saying that he came out that cute, and not at all goopy.

10 months old!

He isn't picking his nose. But he sure looks like he is!

11 months old!

At 11 months, DanPar had stuff to do. He did NOT want his picture taken. He did NOT want to stay in one place. The entire photo reel is pretty much the kid's slow, impeded exodus from our makeshift studio.

12 months old!

And finally, we come to 12 months. DanPar has transcended the aesthetic world, and it is now impossible for him to take a bad picture. He is and will always be this cute. Because he's my baby. And I can't imagine that ever not being the case.

DanPar's progress, 15 months on the outside!

All right, here it is. DanPar's progress report, and my excuse to show off pictures of the cutest kid ever.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Communication

He's signing. WHAAAAAAT??? I started signing when he was about 5 months old, and stopped signing when he was about 6 months. But picked it up anyways.
He started pointing to cars, and moving his hand over his chest like he's got a toy car, saying "Vvvrrr!" (Thanks, gearhead grandpa!) We taught him that animals don't go "Vvvrrr," but they walk around, going "Doop doop doop!" So now, if it moves, it is either a car "Vvvrrr!" or an animal "Da da da!"
So that's weird.

Zebra on wheels? We cut him some slack on this one.
It's a car AND an animal.

Also, he goes full-baby-speed around the house saying "Woof!" (his favorite word), even when there's no toy dog, real dog, or picture of a dog, in sight. He just likes barking. And I love him so much.

 Communication conclusion: Our child is a dog.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Social interaction

DanPar likes other people. But he likes me even more. This makes him a really hard dude to pass on to other people, so I can do anything else ever. However, it's still undeniably sweet when he lunges halfway out of people's arms to reach for me, as I try desperately to stay completely out of sight.

Making friends with other babies at the library, whether they're real or not!

It takes a bit more work to make him smile than it used to. Shuffling cards just doesn't cut the mustard anymore. But! He just started realizing the difference between normal faces and silly faces, and just a couple days ago, he started laughing with every sweep of the broom. And that's awesome.

This is DanPar's silly face, in response to my own!

We try to go to storytime at the library every week, and we've been doing well to spend time with his cousins, at the zoo and at the museum! I still feel like I'm isolating him, but perhaps that's just because I feel pretty solitary most days anyways!

He's the cute guy on the left, next to Jaina and Cody!

  Social interaction conclusion: Still a hit with the ladies!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sleep

I'm about 90% sure we screwed something up here.

Our adorable little sleeper.

About once or twice a week, he'll wake up in the middle of the night, and he will not want to go back down. So, I'll take him downstairs, and play with him. (Or more likely, play YouTube on a tablet, curl under a blanket, and hope he doesn't eat something too inedible.)

Such a sweetie!

We're supposed to be weaning him off of nighttime milk, but he knows when he doesn't get his dairy dose, and he screams as long as it takes. And, in the middle of the night, it's easy to just take him and lay him down next to us in bed. Which is probably also something we're doing wrong, so now he'll wake up with little baby fists smacking us in the face. But they are adorable little baby fists nevertheless!

Aunt Brittany carrying the little rascal!

 Sleep conclusion: We've created a monster.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Food

Perhaps this isn't right, but in my head, I've got three solid food groups in regards to feeding the DanPar. Protein, grain, and fruits/veggies. So when we sit down for a meal, I'll read comics aloud while getting his food together.

Getting ready for lunch with Batgirl!

	Protein	Fruits/Veggies	Grain
Active	Freshly sliced pieces of ham.	Pineapple bits, cut right to size.	Precisely 1 handful of cereal.
Lazy	Freshly scooped scoops of peanut butter.	Carrot sticks that I bit in half.	Approximately 1 handful of cereal.
Whatever	Freshly reopened leftover shredded chicken, I think.	Here’s an apple. Good luck, kid.	Ugh, I don’t know, a handful of cereal or something.

Yum yum healthy!

Yum yum BURRITO.

He has a wonderful appetite for the fruits and vegetables, and it's weird how much he eats like a real human now. Right now, we are trying not to introduce juice or desserts to his diet. We learned our lesson about spoiling, when grandma and grandpa decided that fruity Cheerios would be a fun change from his normal fare!

I told him he had to finish his Cheerios before getting Cap'n Crunch.
He was not happy about this ultimatum.

  Food conclusion: Made up food pyramid works, I hope.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Motor control

He walks, he goes up and down stairs, he opens ajar doors, he can take snacks from a container, he closes and opens simple lids, he throws things, he claps like nobody's business, he opens board books and turns the pages, he goes on tippy toes to grab things that are dangerous and/or fragile, he sits on stairs, and he kicks balls across the ground.

Everything seems to be in order here!

He's pretty much a full-on human. No climbing yet. Thank goodness. Right now, the hardest part of keeping up with him is that he'll walk around to play with things, and I'll sit down next to him. And then he'll go somewhere else, so I'll stand, go over, and sit. Aaaaaaaaaand repeat.

Someday when he's a famous athlete, this picture will be worth billions.

He made that blanket fort all by himself. Not even kidding.
(Okay, definitely kidding.)

  Motor control conclusion: Shrimpy little human, but definitely a human.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So there's our precious little boy, DanPar the Magnificent. He's growing up really nicely, and I'm really lucky to have a guy like him. He's mischievous when he's done being sweet, and he's sweet when he's done being mischievous. And I couldn't be prouder.

Lunar New Year Resolutions

January came, but I was not in the mood for the new year. I managed to give my wife a big ol' smooch at midnight, but that was about as far as tradition went. I didn't want to come up with resolutions. I'd just successfully done a whole year of 100 pushups per day. And the whole Christmas season left us with more than enough cleanup.

So, 2016 started off with stress, and no clear improvement plan. Just survive another year.

Then February came. Let's go ahead and call it February 8th, so that it lines up with the Lunar New Year. Suddenly, I felt the need to improve. This is one reason I read books. Books have the ability to tell us things from another perspective without watering them down or exaggerating, as social media tends to do. And I'm not sure what happened exactly, but in February, I suddenly felt that I needed to keep working on me.

So. Here's what I've got for 2016:

Diet to lose weight

I can't just say "Eat healthy", because that wouldn't be completely true. It might turn out to be healthier than normal, but my diet is definitely more about "Let's lose weight!" than "Let's get healthy!"
And here are three reasons why.

1. I want to look good.

I used to teach my class how to draw me. They always forgot the muscles...

I know I've got weight here and there that isn't helping. And no doubt, I'm a big dude. But how awesome would it be if I had a tight-fitting shirt, and instead of "Well, good morning belly!" my thoughts were, "Well, hey there MUSCULOS!"

2. I want to have more energy.

Gotta keep up with this kid. He wakes up ready to roll!

Quite simply, the more I weigh, the more I have to lug around. Muscles are fine, because they're doing the lugging. And when it comes to being a Dadmaster, I could sure use all the energy I can!

3. I want to be able to feast without feeling bad.

I want to eat a huge burger like younger Woody,
but not be tubby like younger Woody.

Sometimes, my brother-out-law comes down from Fort Collins, and decides to put his legit chef skillz to work. And when he does, and I spend a day drinking wine and eating a huge Philly cheesesteak, I don't want to feel bad about that.

So, what am I doing? Pretty much, when it's just me and the boy, I eat only super lean proteins, vegetable carbohydrates, and little to no fats. It's Phase 1 from State of Slim, if you're so curious. All about boosting metabolism and losing weight. But, when Jessi comes home, I eat normally. Mac n' cheese, fajitas, go out 'cause we're lazy, all good. Just don't go crazy on purpose. (Dinner tonight is BUTTER AND ICE CREAM!!!) It usually turns out that I've had 750 calories by the time she gets home, and I tack on another 750 through dinner and my evening snacks.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Write a book. Any book.

I've been coming up with legitimate stories since middle school. What I need to do is make them well. But, before that, what I need to do is MAKE THEM. I've always had trouble actually getting my nose to the grindstone and just cranking them out. Plus, I hate editing. Buuuuuuuuuuut, if anyone wants to volunteer to read my story so far and let me know how badly I've done, I'd love the help!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Become a better person.

I feel like a great person. But that self-satisfaction is often what keeps us from improving ourselves. To get biblical, "To whom much is given, much is required." To get Uncle Ben-ical, "With great power comes great responsibility." To get paraphrasey, "You think you're great! Wonderful! That means you can do more!"

So, I devise to keep a little item in my pocket every day, to remind me of a certain aspect I want to exercise.

My items hanging out in some tropical place on my mouspad!

• Gear: self-improving
• Boring. I make lists, inspect my routine, and check that I'm making progress.
• Dinosaur: creative and adventurous
• Here, I try to make food, gifts, anything, and don't hesitate to head out the door.
• Soldier: honest and grateful
• This one is hard, but gratitude usually takes off the sting of "I'm just being honest!"
• Woody car: a person I'd like to be
• All the times I've been proud of myself? I want to make more times like that.
• Batman: friendly and proactive
• Get out and talk to people! Don't laze away, pick up a broom or a pen and paper!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Make it to 2017.

Nothing new here. For anyone. Make sure groceries get bought, walls stay upright, friends stay friends, bill stay paid, babies stay healthy, gears keep turning. One day at a time.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

P.S.
(I realize all these blog posts have been about me. I promise, next one will be a DanPar one. It's gonna be awesome.)

P.P.S.
;  y b ghb fhopf hylg jj c bg jkgv,
-DanPar

Such a sweet and happy guy!

Personal time

A couple weeks ago, I had an incredible and invigorating weekend.

But before that, let me tell you something about being a stay-at-home dude.
It's freaking LONELY, but in such a way that all I want to do is be alone.

I don't have time that's all mine anymore. I need to drop anything I'm doing in a moment's notice. So even when I'm sitting by the window, reading Batman with a cup of coffee, it's just not the same when I know that when that little whine comes through the baby monitor, I'd better find the nearest flattish thing to use as a bookmark, because time's up! (Papa Murphy's coupon.)

Also, I highly suggest Gotham Central. It's gooooood.

So. I made the decision a few weeks ago, when I was at wit's end, to just start telling people about my ordeal. And so, on Tuesday, I got a phone call from my brother-out-law, Jon, aka, "Mr. Cuddles". (Jessi's sister's husband.) He had a Saturday free, and he offered to let me come on up to Fort Collins and spend a day there.

And thus, I readied myself for a tough Diplomacy skill check with my wife.
"Hey, Hon, is there any chance you could look after the boy this Saturday?"
"Yeah, sure."
"...really?"
"Yeah, I'll just take him over to my parents."
"Oh. Is that okay?"
"Mmhmm! No problem!"
"Ah.  ...you sure?"
"Yeah!"
After such a harsh negotiation, needless to say, our marriage was hanging by a thread. But yeah, I was actually (shamefully) surprised at how accommodating my wife is. You know. Almost like she likes me or something. Crazy!

Saturday morning came, and I was more than excited. At 6:00, I began the trek up to Fort Collins, listening to Pride and Prejudice. And right off the bat, it was GLORIOUS. Why? Because I felt like I could do anything I wanted to do, even though I was in a car!
I could turn up the volume, I could drink a smoothie, I could...well, really, I could do normal driving, but without having to turn around and think about the little guy in the backseat!
LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES.

Probably the first picture I've taken with my phone that didn't include a baby.

And so, for the first stop on my journey, about 20 minutes away from my sister-in-law and brother-out-law's house, I went to Johnson's Corner. And had coffee. And had a cinnamon roll. And sat. And read books that weren't about Choo-Choo Trains. And wrote little notes on pieces of paper. And talked to a waitress about something that wasn't baby-related.
It was all the guilty pleasure of taking your ring off and heading to a bar, except, you know, not terrible. I was able to leave my Dadmastery behind, and just be a dude in a hoodie who wants a cinnamon roll as big as his head.
And check this out, I left my spot to go to the bathroom. By myself.
LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES.

I showed Jessi this; she lamented the lack of frosting.

And then I met up with my brother-out-law, and we ate sushi. SUSHI. Didn't have to share with a child. And we talked about politics and intelligent design and intellectual crap like that! Did I have to act excited that he found a Cheerio on the ground? NOPE. That would have been WEIRD. So we returned to their place, played Mass Effect while sitting in a foot massage machine, only getting up to get another can of beer out of the bathtub.
LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES.

This dude was all like, "I'm gonna smash this asteroid into this planet!" And Shepard was all like, "Nuh uh!"

That night, oh, man, that night. Went to the bar Dungeons and Drafts, ate delicious sausage with delicious mustard and delicious gravy, drank MEAD (freaking MEAD y'all!), had two shots back to back, and ordered a fruity beer with a high ABV from a TANKARD, while playing Stratego (and getting my ass handed to me)!
LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES.

Thank goodness I had a shirt for the occasion!

The next morning, around 4:45, I had a cup of coffee with Jon, and headed down South to have some breakfast, buy some stuff from Albertson's (by myself!), and gave blood. Gave. Blood. I can't tell you how exciting it is to be able to give blood, because it doesn't exactly make sense. But the phlebotomists (probably means "vampires") are just such fun people to talk to and ask about things! And then I helped a friend move into a new house, even though I wasn't supposed to lift heavy things right after giving blood!
LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES.

Probably was only able to help move stuff because I took a health and mana potion the night before!
(But it's really just alcohol! Oh my!)

It was an invigorating weekend. And I feel wonderful. Forget a spa day. Just let me eat breakfast alone, play Stratego, and give blood, and I'm ready to rock.

Cups of Coffee, 2/18/16

     I realize I don't have much to say. I have a few small things to say. And hey, that's why I came up with these little "Cups of coffee" blog posts. Because My thoughts are often as profound as they are long. That is to say, not very much.

Cup of coffee #16:  Our little comedy duo!

CHOCOLATE???????????

        Being married is so much fun. Not only are you getting epic snuggles every night (and usually getting pushed off the bed when the DanPar gets hungry and joins in), but one thing that I noticed is how great it is that we know exactly how to make each other laugh! And here's the thing. It's all stupid humor. Terrible puns, weird faces, all that. But it's gold. PURE GOLD. Because there's just something about your best friend / partner for life / woman of your dreams making a ridiculous face at you that just can't be beat.
        The plan is for DanPar to alternate being silly along with us and being embarrassed to know us. We all know where he's going to end up. :)



Cup of coffee #17:  DanPar's chair!

Flopping on up!

        About a month ago, I brought out a nice soft cozy chair (a papasan, according to everyone who knows better) so that I could sit by the window with some coffee and read Batman comics. When Daniel noticed there was a new scoop-like chair, he did what he always did with empty things. He filled it up with stuff. Upon realizing that all of his stuff was now in a chair, out of sheer will, he learned how to climb up onto a chair, by throwing himself at it, getting his weight above it, and kicking his dangling legs until he was on it!
        We're still working on how exactly to teach him to get down...

Good luck getting that fierce monster off the chair!

Cup of coffee #18:  A little man.

Our dude is old enough to look like THIS.

        He is 14 months old. And he's already toddling around. He is one that toddles. He may even be considered a toddler. And you know what that means? Time is actually progressing. But that's impossible! He's a little BABY! So what if he can walk, choose his own food, take little bites responsibly, point at toys and approximate their names, and kick a ball around the living room? He's my little guy, and he's going to be my baby until he's old enough to vote! And then maybe even longer. Depends on how cute he is by then, really.

This gem of a picture was taken over a year ago!
He's the saddest little baby in the skyyyyyyy!!!

Being human

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to thank a police officer for what he does, and shake his hand.

Unfortunately, this was after he served me a speeding ticket.
Because yeah, I suck. It's true. I wasn't paying attention to my speed, and so I got a little ahead of myself.

And of course, I felt the gamut of negative feelings.
Where was this guy when that one jerk almost merged right into me?
What's the big idea? I was obviously not out of control!
Ugh. What am I going to say to Jessi? I doubt I can just sweep this under the rug.

What. Rotten. Luck.

But you know what? That's okay. I was speeding. I'm imperfect. And for those ten minutes, I had to slam my fist down on the "OVERRIDE" button, and will myself to see the situation from the perspective I wish I always could.
This police officer is doing his job. And he sure wasn't acting super happy to start out someone's day with this sort of BLAH. Besides, even though he was just sitting with a speed gun yesterday, doesn't mean he won't be risking his life today to keep others safe.

Yum yum!

And so, when he'd given me all the information about my ticket, and answered my questions, he told me to drive safe.
"Thank you, officer." I said. And I awkwardly brought my hand out of the window to shake his. He closed his hand around it powerfully, but kindly, and I hope he understands that I bear him no ill will.

Even now, about 24 hours after the event, I'm thinking about how much I wish time travel was possible. I'm still not happy about it. But I'm glad I gave him appreciation.

Also, I think if I'd let myself get angry about it, it probably would have ruined the day I had. Go Broncos!