Sharing My Half-Baked Creations

 I am a very good editor. I can take a story and tell you exactly what's missing from it. I can play a board game and come up with a few house rules that'll make it better.

But man, I feel like I'm a little bit blind when it comes to my own stuff! Which means that if I want to get better, I need to start sharing! So I'm going to start doing that. It's a mantra that I've long since held onto, but haven't lived up to:

Create Fearlessly.

So, last night I zipped off four copies of my first chapter of a book I'm working on, Tales Of Pangaea, a humorous adventure book that follows a group of anarchist mercenaries on the last city on Earth.

The robot resembled a large, sideways toaster with treads, but instead of delivering toast, it delivered razor-sharp sawblade discs the size of two-foot-wide toast.

 

I've made arrangements with Jordan to play Dire Gardens, a dice-assigning board game I made where you play garden gnomes defending your garden from monstrous weeds and pests.

And two night ago, we gave another shot to cooking chicken korma. Monsoon, a nearby restaurant, has some of the best food we've ever eaten, and we're trying to replicate it!

(No picture looks good, and it was a bit gritty, so you'll have to imagine it.)

It can be hard for me to share things, because I know my mind orbits around, each season a new project that I feel like I'm going to sink my energy into. I think what's needed is someone who I can work with, someone who can keep me somewhat accountable for moving forward with one (ONE) project.

Now, one project that I've been surprisingly good at keep up with, is going to the gym! I'm more muscular nowadays, and I can see the progress with the weights I've been lifting! It's not as exciting as writing a book, but it's a very healthy thing, and a very good thing!

It's hard to get into the groove of making things. I'm still hoping that I'll fall into a rhythm sometime in my life, but even if nothing I make ever gets done, I'm proud of all the projects I've been a part of. I'm a good editor, after all!

The Beefy Geek

 I do not like sports.

Now, if someone asked me to play a game or two, I would, but reluctantly. I like all the things that not-sports-liking people usually enjoy. Comics, videogames, board games, Dungeons & Dragons. However, this year I have determined that I am going to get big ol' muscles. Not just a geek, but a beefy geek!

So, 4 days a week, skipping weekends and Wednesdays, I hit the community gym with its full weight room, and work out for an hour!

I can already see the results, and it's exciting, while also very strange! I usually look at the scale hoping to see the numbers go down down down, but here they are, going back up up up! But one look in the mirror, and I can see that it's muscle!

The workouts are fun! I keep track on my phone how I'm doing week-to-week, and I can see my progress!

What is much harder than I thought is the diet! My friends who have experience in putting on muscle said that I need 200 grams of protein EVERY DAY!!! That's 12 cans of tuna!!! (I tried eating three cans in one serving. It was not as fun as you'd think.)

I went to my doctor on a routine checkup, and, since I was healthy in every other way, she was happy to hear I wanted to put on some muscle! I told her about the 200 grams of protein advice, and she said, "Oh, you don't need that much. Start with 175 grams."

So, 11 cans of tuna.

I eat SO MUCH cottage cheese (I call it "cottaged cheese" for no reason other than it makes me laugh) and instead of trying to eat well under my average calorie burn, I have to make sure to eat more, or else my body will just burn the protein instead of turning it into muscle!

No lie, it has somewhat taken a lot of the fun out of eating! Which, considering how much I weighed only 5 years ago, maybe I needed.

Side-by-side comparison of passport photos!

In any case, I am happy to be getting stronger. It's a dream of mine that someone will see how fit and muscular I am and ask, "Whoa, what sports do you play?"

And I'll say, "None. I got all of this from rolling twenty-sided dice!"

Short Parent-Teacher Conferences

It's a common thing between teachers that the shorter the conference, the better. If the teacher has problems with a student, they'll hash it out there. If the parent has concerns about the teacher, they'll hash it out there.

Memorial

 One of my best friends died 17 days ago, on September 13th.

Yesterday, I attended a memorial service in his honor. I knew that he had been going through a hard time, and I was hoping that he was getting help for his alcoholism, but it sounds like it caught up to him.

He was lonely. Which is a terrible place to be. When you feel like you have no one to turn to, you have to rely on yourself. And my friend did not do well by himself. He would call just to have me reassure him that I love him and don't think that he's a total screw-up. He would apologize for things that I had long forgiven him for. He was the kind of person who felt good when he was moving forward, but couldn't stand being in one place. Constantly moving, constantly losing jobs and finding new ones, and constantly feeling like he was far behind his own standards.

I heard from his family that when they tried to tell him to get help, he would push them away. So whenever he was forced to move back in with his parents, which wasn't uncommon, he felt like an utter failure.

The pandemic shut him down. He had just heard from someone in California who wanted to work with him on developing a score for his musical, but everything had to stop. He kept working, kept trying to make it happen, but his demons were catching up with him now that he couldn't try and outrun them, and he was ill-equipped to fight them.

I was his friend for longer than I've been married. I spoke to him weekly. And now he's gone.

I am proud of how I acted with him. Whenever he was in town, I always made an effort to meet up with him and play board games, like we've done for over a decade. I kept in touch with him, gave him good actionable advice. I lent him money when he needed it. I told him that I loved him every time we talked.

And every time we said goodbye, we would hug until our hearts touched.

His dog. <3 A real sweet doggo right there.

The most striking thing about the memorial was that, looking back on it, I was the only one who was his friend. Everyone else was either a relative or a friend of his parents. Meeting his brother and sister, it was clear that they weren't in contact, and they each said that they had heard a lot about me, while I had to be reminded of their names over the course of the day.

Out of at least fifty people at the memorial, I knew no one but his mother and his nephew, but I was the one who seemed to know the most about him.

I have vowed that my house would always be a safe, open, and welcoming place for my boys come hell or highwater, because I saw that when hell and highwater came for my friend, he felt oppressed living with his family.

Another thing is, and this is something that's happened before, is that it's so weird when I live up to the hype. I have personality in boldface font, and so people I've never met come to expect me to live up to a reputation that precedes me. But there I was, starting conversations with strangers, chatting amicably with nieces and nephews I'd never met, playing freeze-dance with a five year-old who would otherwise be throwing a tantrum, finding things to laugh about when talking about my late friend's oddities, and hugging his mother for a full minute while she cried into my vest. (Oh yes, and he loved to wear vests, so I wore one in his honor.)

Although the service was more of a drop-in-when-you-can arrangement, I arrived when it began, and left half an hour after it ended.

It's very surreal. I don't know if I've fully grasped that there won't ever be a next time with him.

I love him, and I will miss him very much. Probably for the rest of my life.

The Bachelor Pad

 What a weekend it's been!

Jessi has been off and away with her mom and sister, having a wonderful time, and after a particularly stressful couple of weeks at work, it's great timing for it.

So it's been me and the boys, on what was meant to be a pretty busy weekend, only for it to end up being INCREDIBLY busy! Last Tuesday, Daniel had a scooter collision with his cousin and the next morning, his pinky was swollen and just didn't work how it ought. So, we took him into an urgent care, got it x-rayed, and, wouldn't you know it, the pinky is broken, and they wrapped his entire arm out of an excess of caution! While the break itself isn't terrible, it goes through his growth plate, so they're going to lengths to ensure that it heals right.

I colored the break with red pen!

On Friday, Daniel and I went to Children's Hospital and got the arm in a brace. Then we got stormed on, but I was prepared and brought an umbrella! Just one, though, so I got SOAKED.

Thank goodness the picnic after school on Friday was cancelled! I would have just up and exploded, I think!

Saturday we drove down for Schwan's bridal shower, where I was very proud because I brought enough toys for all the kids who attended to play with! I also met a bunch of dudes who I'll be going to the Bachelor Party with!

The devil's mix!!! Mixing Skittles and m&ms!

Sunday was Jaina's birthday, and I got a haircut!

These kids know how to enjoy a party!

Monday was Dad's retirement party, and Jessi had finally gotten home! And tell you what, I hope she relaxed hard enough on vacation, because wrangling three boys on a rooftop patio with cake and appetizers and little plastic swords in the appetizers?? Phew!

So much chaos in just one little boy!

Anyways, Jessi is back home, and she is wonderful. She is snuggly and fun and we always have a good time together! Even when assembling furniture, which is what we're up to in our closet! (I'm excited for our closet to come together!)

Sunday in Castlewood Canyon!

 My friend Jenn is in town, and whenever she's around, she makes me want to go out and do a thing! We've hiked Red Rocks, gone up to a mountain lake, and this time, we went to Castlewood Canyon!

I tried to convince all my boys to come with me and give Jessi a break, but in the end, I could only convince one!

Echo was such an adventurous little guy yesterday! We leapt over rocks, running off of the trail to find them, and shout "shortcut!" as we took routes that were obviously NOT shortcuts.

At one point, Echo said, "Dad! Shortcut!" and pointed to what was just a drop-off right into the canyon, and I replied, "That's not a shortcut, that's a death trap!" Which, because this boy is VERY like his dad, became the new game! He'd point at paths that led to sheer cliffs and shout "shortcut!" and I'd say, "Noooo! That's the deathliest death trap that's ever trapped!"

At one death trap point, we saw a waterfall pretty far off. (We had no idea where we were actually going.) And Echo was so excited, he said, "Dad! Let's go to that waterfall!" And so, we decided heck with it, it was waterfall-hunting time!

We followed the directions of other hikers, followed the path, followed our gut sense of direction, and before long, we made it to a little stream! We found a crawdad in the stream, which made me a little nostalgic, because my brothers and I used to let the crawdads nip at our feet when I was a kid! It's probably been half my life since I'd been here, but I still remember it! (Which also means I remember crying because I didn't want crawdads to nip my toes.)

The path was a overgrown and crowded, so Echo and I took off our shoes and walked down the stream, trying to follow the sand so we wouldn't slip on the rocks, but occasionally I would lift him over a boulder, and he would say, "I'm floating!" as I did it. 💗 He's such a sweet and adventurous and brave guy! Which was tough when we got to the edge of the waterfall, because he wanted to hang out RIGHT BY THE EDGE!

And then came THE PHOTO OP. We all played a game that Echo created, which was that Echo would find big rocks, give each of them a big rock, and then we'd throw them off the waterfall! I was able to sneak away while Jenn and Edwin entertained the rascal, and I climbed barefoot across a steep slope, holding onto roots and skidding down rocks, until I found a place where I could set up my tripod. I set my phone in it, connected it to bluetooth, and then climbed barefoot again back up the rocks and roots and clicked my bluetooth clicker to get the amazing picture above!!! All four of us at the top of the waterfall!

And then I climbed barefoot all over again to get my phone and tripod and climbed barefoot back over again to rejoin my peeps! Echo did such a good job, and he had a wonderful time in Castlewood Canyon, collecting acorns and finding shortcuts and death traps.

And then came his wonderful reward! Back on July 11th, we all dashed out the door to get our free Slurpees, but when we got there, the Slurpee machine broke down! Which meant all my children broke down! This is all important to say, because yesterday, when we got to the 7-11 so Echo could collect his bribe, the attendant had been told to give Slurpees away for free, because it was so hot out!!!!

So in the end, Echo got his free Slurpee! I proved to myself that I am in good shape because I hiked a long way with a bag full of supplies and with a kid on my back for a lot of the way, and I feel like such a good dad for taking Echo, a good husband for insisting I take at least one kid, and a good friend for going on an adventure with a college friend.

Which makes it a really really good day in my book!

The first day of the rest of my life!!!!

 It's finally here!!!!!! Echo is now in school, and he did great at drop-off!!! I think he's gonna knock their socks off; he's one smart cookie!

And so, slowly slowly, gently gently, I'm starting to feel like I'm regaining control of my life. I love my boys, but they are high-energy and do not slow down! But now, I can hear myself think! I have room to move around! I can sit down and do things for longer than five minutes, without that switch in the back of my head that keeps me on edge!

And so, here I sit, with a bowl of watermelon, three fidget spinners, and a world of promise ahead of me! Finally having time to myself can only help me be calm and enjoy the time with my kiddos. I have projects planned, I've enrolled in some editing courses through the library, and I have checklists and calendars and biweekly self-assessed check-ins to get my rear in gear!

But I'm not in a rush. I'm going to hit the the ground strolling, and I'm so happy!