Giving things to new parents: Part 1

     Aww, such fragile little creatures, just trying to make sense of the new world around them.  I am talking about, of course, new parents.
     Nothing can describe the feeling new parents have when they leave the hospital with their new bundle of joy.  But it's a lot of thoughts like this:

"I will not crash this car.  I will not look away.  I will not blink until we are home."
"Did you see how the nurses let us leave with this baby?  How on earth can they trust us with a living thing?"
"Should I turn on music?  Classical music, right?  But what if it wakes him up?  What if it makes him sleep too long?  What if he hears a charismatic voice advertising the joys of the new weight loss program and he imprints on that voice and forgets that we are his parents?"

Yeah.  New parents are pretty dumb.  But they've just been dumbstruck, so...give them a break.  Creating life is pretty weird stuff.  This post is one of two that goes out to the patient people who want to help out us new parents, answering the question, "What can I give my new parent?"

Advice

It's a pretty good idea to:

• Qualify any and all advice that you give your new parents.  Phrase it as, "Hey, you know what helps calms my nephew down?"  Or, "I read somewhere that ..."  Seriously.  We don't want to feel like you're better than we are.
• Give advice to your new parents before they need it.  Parents feel so great when they are able to use advice that they've learned.  We new parents need confidence-boosters!  We're awesome, gosh darn it!

Oh hey, make sure you don't:

• Don't tell them what to do.  You are not allowed to expect things from new parents.  (This is going to be a huge theme here.)
• Don't take the baby away from them to show them how it's done, unless they've asked.  It makes new parents feel a little like garbage, but worse.

But seriously, don't you dare:

• Don't tell new parents to ignore their doctor's advice.  There are enough websites out there that suggest you do crazy things.  From a blogger, let me tell you this: trust your doctor over a blogger.
• Don't even suggest that they are bad parents.  Even if you're joking.  On the no-no list we have things like:
• "Wow, you really don't know how to change him, do you?"
• "I've never pictured you as the parent type."
• "How are you, little baby?  Your parents haven't dropped you yet, have they?"

Baby clothes

It's a pretty good idea to:

• Offer up your old baby clothes.  Get them organized, and let them look through it all.  It's so nice to have friends who are willing to share stuff.  (And yes, even though your kid has peed in them a lot, they can be cleaned.)
• Ask them what clothes they need.  I'm a big guy.  I didn't expect to be bringing home a 5-pound kid.  Jessi's mom and dad got us pretty much everything he wore for the first two months of his life.  And they were fun clothes, too!  Awesome job, grandparents!

Oh hey, make sure you don't:

• Don't overload your parents with too much esoteric stuff.  An Easter outfit is sweet, but giving them three?  That's a little much.  (Note: I guess our kid was wearing his "Santa's Little Helper" suit all through January.  But keep it in mind.)
• Don't expect to see the kiddo in the clothes that you get them whenever you come over.  No one's saying the baby doesn't have the "World's best [relative]", and no one's saying the bug costume you got the kid wasn't cute.  But dressing a baby is hard work.  Let the extra mile be the extra mile.

But seriously, don't you dare:

• Don't ignore the sizes!  Baby clothes are weird, but here's your quick guide:
• P = Premature (It never hurts to have one just in case, but don't give them one outright.)
• N = Newborn (They can wear these anywhere from 1-2 months)
• 3 = 0-3 months.  Clothes tell you the general UPPER LIMIT.
• 6 = 3-6 months.  Babies start to show their own sizes and stuff after this.
• Don't treat new parents like a thrift store.  If you give us your old jeans, that won't fit the kid for years, we're gonna toss it in a box, because we'd feel too bad donating it.  Then it'll be lost, forgotten, and when robots take over, it'll be a geologic era below.

Toys and stuffed stuff

It's a pretty good idea to:

• Buy them some toys that are not just toys.  Pacifiers are enjoyed by babies and parents alike.  Teethers are nice once they start chewing on everything.  (For DanPar, that's right now.)  Toys that jingle are good to have on hand.
• Give them something that you expect to be played with.  Newborns don't do much with toys yet, but when they start, I guarantee they won't be have tea parties.  They'll chew on their toys, beat up their toys, throw them everywhere, etc.  Expect that to happen, and keep in mind: a baby's favorite toy is the beaten up one with the partially digested nose.

 

Oh hey, make sure you don't:

• Don't buy them all the toys that have all the gadgets on them.  A few are just fine, but young kids are still learning how to play and be creative.  Their imagination suffers if all the toys they have direct them how to play, e.g., press this button, let's talk, etc.
• Don't pass down an heirloom toy to a baby.  If you don't want it destroyed, don't give it to a child.  (Good advice for everything, really.)  It also puts an extra burden on the parent to be attentive that the kiddo isn't playing TOO hard.  And that sucks all around.

But seriously, don't you dare:

• Don't find the biggest teddy bear you can find.  New parents are still reeling from all the stuff we used to have and no longer have space for.  For most of us, we just lost an entire room!  And now you want us to store this stuffed monster?  Hey!
• Don't buy them all the teddy bears you can find.  You want the kid to be happy, and you want the parent to be happy.  So keep your toys and stuffed stuff special, and don't drown your new parents.  The total mass of teddy bears you give does not directly correspond to how much you love the kid.

Some final thoughts.

     So, you might say to yourself: "Hey, what kind of ingrate is this guy?  We're the ones giving new parents free stuff!"  And yeah, it's true, I have a gigantic backlog of thank-yous to hand out.  And for sure, my opinions probably don't reflect those of all parents.  Maybe other parents want their kids to sleep in the warm embrace of a huge teddy bear, like the innards of a riding tauntaun.  But in any case, I think the biggest takeaway is to keep your expectations in check.  Parents are paddling as best as we can, trying to keep our kiddos alive and developing well.

     Also, keep in mind that this is Part 1 of 2.  I should probably wait a few days to post Part 2, but I probably won't.  I had too much fun with this one.