Giving things to new parents, Part 2

     Another post on the neverending question, "What can I get these guys that they'll actually like?"  I've got some "do"s, and twice as many "don't"s!  Let's jump right in!

Books

It's a pretty good idea to:

• Research what is a good, widely trusted general advice book.  We've got two right now: The Baby Owner's Manual and SuperBaby.  The first one is very good for just looking up stuff like "How hot should the bath be?" or "What's the best way to burp this guy?"  The latter is good for extra credit; getting some extra mental development in there.
• Think back to what book you liked when you were a kid.  Dig it out of your mom's basement or find it somewhere, sign it something like, "Hey DanPar, I loved to read this book whenever I wanted to feel like a crime-fighting cybernetic cat!  I hope you enjoy it!  Always here for you, -Red Hat Guy"

Oh hey, make sure you don't:

• Don't just print out stuff you found online.  No really, this happens to people.  Trust me, I was an elementary teacher.  I know you can find the full version of The Lorax.  If you must, then at least put the pages in a nice binder.  I've seen too many stapled papers on kids' bookshelves.
• Don't buy them some random book you found on parenting.  Lots of them are incredibly outdated, which can be pretty bad.  Lots of them are quite esoteric, and only talk about one specific subject.

But seriously, don't you dare:

• Don't just link them to my blog and consider that a gift.  I know, it's a delightful blog.  But if they're a new parent, they have probably already read my blog five times over.
• Don't try to indoctrinate your new parents or their kids.  Religion, politics, conspiracy theories, the things "they" don't want you to know about parenthood...it all puts way too much pressure on how you want the parent to raise their kid.  No manifestos, please.

Coming home

It's a pretty good idea to:

• Lightly decorate their house for when they return.  Sometimes new parents feel like no one realizes how incredibly life-changeingly their life just changed.  A stroller sign saying "Baby [gender] yay!" will do just fine, or a vase of flowers.  Nothing that takes too much work to take care of and eventually dispose of.
• Feed them.  My goodness, it was so nice knowing that we had some slow cooker meals in the fridge.  Or frozen pizza.  Or even just a sack of assorted cookies.  We love cooking, but with a BRAND SPANKING NEW baby (don't spank your newborn, folks), doing anything was draining.
• Offer to clean their house.  Like I said, everything is draining.  Just wiping down their counters will make you their best friend.  And it's cheap, and you can do it without knowing a thing about babies.  (I am assuming my reader knows a thing about cleaning.)
• Give them a chance to sleep.  Kids are hard work.  Newborns want to be held.  They want to be held so badly, one of the first things the nurses teach new parents is how to burrito their baby up.  If you can be that baby burrito's tortilla for just a few hours while the exhausted parents take a nap, you have just given them something priceless, for free.

Oh hey, make sure you don't:

• Don't call or text constantly for updates on the baby.  Sometimes we want to talk about the baby.  Sometimes it's the last thing we want to talk about.  So, instead of texting things that require a response, make comments or observations that let the parent decide if they want to keep talking.
• Instead of, "Is his hair coming in?", say, "What a cutie!  I bet he'll have his dad's hair!"
• Instead of, "How is he sleeping?", say, "What a cutie!  I hope he's a deep sleeper!"
• Instead of, "Why haven't you posted a picture to your aunt's Facebook wall wearing his sweater?", say, "What a cutie!"
• Don't over-decorate.  It's wonderful to come home to a house that proclaims, "WE HAVE A NEWBORN CHILD AND HE IS ADORABLE," but if you aren't going to stick around to clean it all up, then it becomes a hassle.  Don't put up anything that requires a ladder or any tools to take down, or can't just be thrown away.

But seriously, don't you dare:

• Don't pester the new parents because you want to see their new little guy.  It's hard for us to go out and about in the first few days, and we don't always want you to come to us because a), our house is a mess, or b), we are a mess.
• Don't tell us our life is over.  That's just mean.  I know, you thought it was hilarious when the best man at my wedding said it, but this is a little different.  It takes a village to raise a kid, and I'd like as many villagers as I can.  You can keep inviting us out, but don't give us crap when we say no.

Expensive things

It's a pretty good idea to:

• Look on the registry.  We worked hard putting stuff on there.  Get something from the registry.  Include the receipt.

Oh hey, make sure you don't:

• Don't decide not to look on the registry.  We worked hard putting stuff on there.  That's wonderful that you have enough money to get us those shoes that cost hundreds of dollars, and will fit for half a month.  Get something from the registry.  Include the receipt.

But seriously, don't you dare:

• Don't decide not to look on the registry.  We worked hard putting stuff on there.  I don't care if you think you've found something better.  Maybe add a gift card, too, moneybags.  Get something from the registry.  Include the receipt.

More final thoughts.

     Let me put some thanks out there real quick.  Catherine, for giving me the idea.  MS Paint, for the pixelated sketches.  Jessi, for providing some necessary feedback.  DanPar, for slowly getting more blonde and less redheaded.  And of course, I owe everything on this blog to Ctrl-Z.  Without you, none of this would be possible.

     Also, if you are reading this, and you're thinking, "But Woody, I gave you something you put on the DON'T side of things!", then you are actually an exception.  I loved what you gave me.  It will be treasured forever.  I just don't think anyone could outdo the amazing advice/toy/book/thing that you gave me.  Yep.