The Deputy

This guy is now a responsible deputy.

It's been one month since Crash has been out in the real world, and DanPar loves his little brother. DanPar brings him a pacifier when he's crying (and tosses it at his face), DanPar rocks his swing (with all the force he can muster), and DanPar plays with him (by smacking him and laughing).

DanPar's baby brother Crash. Also sometimes his toy.

Today I spanked DanPar for hitting Crash in the face. It was the first time I'd done anything like it, and I don't feel good about it. I know I was spanked, and I think I turned out all right, but I was mad at the little guy when I did it. Just one wallop on the behind, but I don't like the idea of being mad and hitting anyone. Even when it's due punishment.

He cried, and even though I'd been the one to yank, yell, and spank, he leaned right into me for a hug. like he always does when something's wrong. I've spent so much time just me and the DanPar, it's strange to think that things have changed and our dynamic will never be the same.

DanPar joining his little brother for tummy time.

But that's okay.

Tonight we were fighting with foam letters, shouting the letter names as we threw them, and I grabbed him and we roughhoused like usual, and it struck me that someday he'll be able to pick me up, It made me happy, and also, in a weird weird contradictory way, it made me nostalgic for right now. Someday there'll be a day when I can't pick him up and flip him upside-down, with haapy shrieks and giggles filling the air. So I made a few lists.

"T!!!!"

Here's what I've already loved:
-I used to read violent comics with him before he could even start to understand.
-We would listen to podcasts and books with bad words.
-The world was new, and every walk was an adventure.
-He would sleep whenever we were in the car.
-DanPar was always the littlest one at storytime.

With one turn of the nozzle, I could teach this kid how harsh THE REAL WORLD IS.

I'm going to enjoy this now:
-Paper airplanes bewilder and delight him.
-I accidentally teach him phrases like "Tebow time".
-He will mimic animal sounds and amplify them tenfold.
-Whatever he does, whether it's beg for pineapple or play with chalk, his whole heart is in it.
-Watching the garbage truck rumble by is a highlight.
-DanPar remarks on his little brother, even pointing out "Yellow poop!"

He really wanted more pineapple.

But I can't wait until:
-We can play Chutes and Ladders, and eventually Dungeons and Dragons.
-I can help him with homework and science projects and read together.
-I can teach him to give handshakes and say thanks.
-He can give me a handshake and tell me thanks.
(tearing up, hold on)
-I can tease him in front of his friends by bringing out the baby pictures.
-He can carry me, wrestle me, and we can fight with foam swords.
-He can recommend a book to me, and email me news articles.
-He can make a Fantasy Football team with semi-educated decisions (like his old man!).
-We can drink coffee together in the morning and beer together in the evening.
-We can tell each other that we love each other.

I've heard that childhood memories seem like bigger deals because when you're young and you attend 2nd grade, that's one eighth of your entire life! But one year at my age isn't even one twenty-fifth. But I fully intend to make every year, every day, matter with this little guy. He's been my world for the entire time we've spent together on this earth. And now he's got to be one of the big boys in our family, and he's only 1.

And he's the greatest 1 year-old ever.

The Justice League!

Crash has to eat. He has to eat every three hours. And his appetite has no regard for what time of day it is. Luckily, neither does Netflix.

So, I've been watching The Justice League. So let's all just say this has a lot to do with being a dad, and get going. Because honestly, it's what I want to talk about. So let's talk about our favorite DC hero team!

Wings? Check. Mace? Check. Cool. Let's smash things.

Hawkgirl
When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. She's strong, she flies, she whacks things with a freaking MACE. Half of her lines are RAHGGGHHH, and you know what? Her character is spot on. Like a young Superman, before he was charismatic. If she talks to the people she saves, it's either a reprimand to be more careful, or advice on where to hide right now. Just problems to solve, and if they're big problems, like videogame bosses, all it takes is more hits.
Badass moment:
She is a fighter. So when she's sent to Themyscira to find information, here's how it works. She tries to sneak in. She's not sneaky, she hits things with a mace. So they find her. Then she tries to talk to them. She's not eloquent, she hits things with a mace. So they attack her, and she simply says, "All right. They won't listen to reason." And she opens up a nice can of whoop-ass on these fellow good guys, simply because hey, that's how she does.

Don't worry, folks. She gets caught. Amazons are not blind.

Superman is strong.

Superman
This isn't the Superman that they need to create different universes to defeat, like the one in the comics. He can be knocked out by powerful shock, being smashed, or in one episode, a manufactured disease. He's still weak to Kryptonite, but his true weakness is that everyone knows about him. He has a lineup of villains that follow him to his adoptive planet Earth, and nearly every villain creates a plan that involves a specific way to take him out of the fight. He is still overpowered, but it's balanced by his public figure.
But sometimes Superman loses his cool. This is when he loses his predictability, and things get messy. Darkseid (bad guy): "Time and again, I've beaten you, humbled you. What makes you think today's outcome will be any different?" Superman (good guy): "Because this time, I'm not going to stop until you're just a greasy smear on my fist."
Badass moment:

In a time travel episode, they go back to WW2, and while they're evacuating the allies, a massive fleet of Nazi fighter planes fly in, and Superman says, "All bets are off." Dude. Gets. MAD. And he proceeds to just rain lasers and mayhem upon them. Right off the bat, he simply flies through the propeller of one, and it shreds it. It was probably the best scene I've ever seen, movie, show, comic, anywhere, of Superman truly fighting. And I think it's because this is exactly what he was made for, right? I'd buy war bonds after watching that!

Nazis vs lasers. Place your bets!

In brightest day, in blackest night...

Green Lantern
Jon Stewart was the first Green Lantern I knew, and so he's probably my favorite. He has the demeanor of a man who is no stranger to duty. He protected his country as a member of the US Marines, he protects the earth as a member of the Justice League, and he protects the galaxy as  a member of the Green Lantern Corps. Nothing stops him from doing the right thing. And if he's having trouble, the first thing a soldier like him knows to do is to tell those fighting alongside him. He's not here to show off. He's here to protect...well, everything.
Badass moment:
At one point, Stewart is convicted of accidentally destroying a planet. Even though it wasn't his fault, he freely surrenders himself, and stands trial. And when he is condemned to capital punishment, he never sinks his head, never skips a step. He accepts his place as just a small piece of something bigger, and never hesitates to submit himself to the law, even if he disagrees with it.

Oh, and Flash got dragged into it, too.

Who wouldn't use their superpowers to land endorsement deals?

Flash
I liked him as a kid, I like him now. His powers vary depending on what is needed. Sometimes he can run fast enough to create a whirlwind, or even rip some time-space. And sometimes he's just not quite fast enough to outrun a bad guy throwing a rock. But no matter what, he's got a great screen presence. If he's in the scene, you know he's going to get a smile and chuckle out of you.
Badass moment:
Flash is the Spider-Man type who keeps his head on by finding humor in every situation. When faced with a room full of bad guys with guns, he zips through, grabs every single weapon, and says, "Hey, can you hold these?" and dumps the pile into one bad guys arms, before shouting, "Sucker!" and clocking him in the face.

Unnecessary, but it's why I love the guy!

Angry Martian disapproves of your Internet history.

J'onn
In short, J'onn is the one you need to fear. Being a telepath, you cannot hide anything from him. Being a shapeshifter, you never know who is actually next to you. Being able to go through walls, you won't be able to seal yourself away from him. And being really strong and able to fly...yeah. Don't make enemies with this guy. He's emotionally distant after the loss of all other martians, and personally, I think he does better as the league coordinator, teacher, and guardian in Justice League Unlimited. But he's still awesome here.
Badass moment:
So, since J'onn doesn't really do dramatic stuff, his badass moment is a thoughtful point when he's talking to Hawkgirl. "I was just thinking. You, me, Wonder Woman, Superman - we are all of us orphans and exiles." Like I said, I like him better as a leader than a fighter.

I really think this is the only time J'onn smiles and he isn't in some weird delusion.

Classic.

Batman
After every Justice League episode that involves Batman, one feeling you always take away is how this rich normal dude dresses up like a bat, and somehow still holds his own alongside these superheroes. It's no secret that he's one of my favorite superheroes of all time. And in Justice League, I think it's his best character.
Badass moment:
Really, every moment is a badass moment with Batman, but when he truly flexes his one distinguishing superpower is at the crux of a battle with Lex Luthor, when Lex's righthand man turns on him, neutralizes the bad guys, and surrenders immediately.
As the turncoat is walked out by the police, he turns to Batman and asks, "You'll keep our bargain?" And Batman just responds, "Yes. Double what Luthor was paying."

I prefer a Batman who smirks.

Most other heroes with her strength block attacks by just letting it hit them.

Wonder Woman
I read some recent issues of WW, and what annoyed me was that everyone had the same personality. Serious, calm only on the surface, but willing to crack puns. (Seriously, EVERYONE told puns.) In Justice League, her persona is the same, but luckily, she is supported by a strong cast of characters. Beginning the show, she has just arrived from Themiscyra, and finds all the customs a little foreign. I'd really like to see more involved development of her character, but the writers seem too shy to move away from the naive archetype. But character aside, is she good? Yes. Can she fight? Yes. Is she written in a way that her feelings are one of her biggest weaknesses? No. (Thank goodness. This happens all the time in comics, y'all.)
Badass moment:
Guys, women in comics are too often underdeveloped. For Hawkgirl, she's got a simple personality. Hit things with mace. For Wonder Woman, though, she is shortchanged of much of anything. She's the perfect team player, and doesn't do things on her own. She is being improved, thought. She was given a sword alongside her lasso recently, but in this show, you can tell there isn't much there yet. But one moment I like is when a douche on TV says, "I've seen showgirls with more modesty than her!" Wonder Woman responds with a frown, and, well, punches the screen with superhuman strength.

That costume is what you get for being a female superhero from 1941.

I suppose this post came a little more timely than I meant it to, because the Justice League movie is just around the bend! But I just wanted to write this because, well, I like writing about things I like. So there.

Also, I have two kids now, and it's weird being undeniably an adult, when all I want to do is discuss how the heroes changed between Justice League and the sequel series, Justice League Unlimited.

The new guy.

He's just so little! He's just a potato of a boy!

But he's a champ. We haven't been able to spend too much time with him, since he's been under a broiler in the NICU (pronounced "nick-you"). He just needs fat. He's not as well insulated (like his dad), so they've got to keep his temperature up and if he doesn't eat, stick a tube down there and make it happen.

Everything is good, though! He hasn't needed the tube for a couple days, and the hardest part of feeding (for all of us) is that if he's held too close, he'll nod off. So snuggling has to wait until he's done with his milk!

We were able to get a few more days at the hospital, even after being discharged, and so our stay was lengthened!
But I won't lie, cabin fever has got me good. We organized our little room as much as possible, but we're still stuck here. And my back still hurts from the first two nights on a super crappy couch-bed meant for someone half my height and half my weight.
We should be heading back home for a short while today, but it'll be mostly to grab more clean clothes and tidy up the place so we'll be ready for the new guy.

He's all skin and bones and wires right now, but having been through this before, we can see him as part of our little family already. DanPar was new and scary. Crash is new, but we've seen what a kid can be. And DanPar is the sweetest boy ever.
I hope he's gonna be a good brother.

Deputy DanPar has met little Crash twice now, and he's excited. Excited to point out his nose and old man fingers and nee-moots (nipples) and kiss his head. We'll see if he's still excited when we bring the tyke home!

But this is MY blog, so I'm gonna write diverging about ME.

The hospital where we stayed last time had soft pretzels, and that was awesome. This place has good breakfast burritos. I can't stop thinking about the ending of Y: The Last Man, and of course I can't, it's incredible. Eggs should be part of every meal, because protein. If I really think about it, yeah, toilet paper softness matters to me. How much is it to ask that they have a darn Pokéstop here at the hospital? I'm all out of pokéballs!

And just like that.

He's here.
:)

A very healthy freak out

So, I'm not as worried anymore. Nothing's objectively too much better, but Jessi isn't in as much pain anymore.

(Yay drugs!)

Just talking it through with friends made it better. The night was weird, which is the most explanatory thing I could say.
I woke up a couple times to pain, which was not fun, because it wasn't mine, and I could barely do anything. I did get to rub her back, so yay.
But I was so tired. I slept longer than usual, nodding off at 9:30, waking up at 7, with a strange waking hour in the middle.

I ate breakfast! The only available bacon is turkey, but I've got a voucher, so what am I going to complain about? Besides, I had my choice of two sides, so I chose two of my favorite things!

Bagel and bagel.

Until this while ordeal is over, it's more of what I've come to know of labor and delivery. Pain, worry, anxious glances between nurses, vague mentions of vague options, and trying to be comfortable on any level, when every level is not comfortable.

All right, so apparently I'm still a little concerned. But it's out there, so there!

The original troublesome baby, waiting for Grandmom and Papa to take him home for the night. 

Send thoughts and prayers our way. And if you're reading this after Crash is born, frozen meals are also acceptable.

My second rodeo

This isn't my first rodeo.
But it sure feels like it.

Just before going into the labor/delivery room!

Jessi just knew yesterday that she wasn't feeling well. So we packed our bags, installed the car seat, and got ready. Just in case.
But we're not ready.
It's early. And now that we're sitting here, we're feeling all the things not done, not ready, not yet.

Sitting here, can't do anything but be supportive of things I don't understand and coordinate with the family.

My bed for the night!

I even cancelled the DnD session on Monday. Crash is crashing the party unfashionably soon. And I haven't yet trained DanPar as my deputy enough. Still no sign for quiet time, still no understanding of what's happening, and still no idea how to fetch nachos for his old man.

And as much as I'd like to keep things light-hearted, I know he's early. 36 months. A nurse came in to let us know that he should be fine. Maybe trouble eating, but he should be fine. Maybe imperfect temperature control, but he should be fine. Maybe just a quick stay in the NICU, but he should be fine.
Should be.

Should be.


Should be.

Sweet, sweet, baby.

Cracking the code!

Jessi and I are awesome.

We've been married for three years, and with such a strong and friendly bond, any two people living in the same house will eventually create their own language. I just wanted to share a few of our favorite expressions.


"Blankets!"
This term refers to accidental spousal abuse, especially in the negotiation of sheets and comforters. We've had this term ever since we shared an apartment, and it's still used to this day.

Blankets-ing since 2011!

"kick his ass"
As in, "We're going to the pool today. Man, I hope it kicks his ass."
 When we want something to kick DanPar's ass, we mean that it shuts him down for several hours. We have important things to do when he's asleep! (Most likely, reading or eating something unaccompanied or napping.)

Watching rocket launches is tiring.

"The vortex"
I'm not sure how it works, but right at the top of our stairs, there is one magical spot where you can smell the entire house. Seriously, you couldn't smell the cookies baking any better if your nose were in the oven door. Whether pleasant or unpleasant, this spot of our house is the olfactory gathering place of all smells.

"What kind of house are you running?"
My wife is very sweet. But in my hectic life of taking care of a house and a child (and soon another child), some things just get plain forgotten. So, whenever we run out of cheese, or I forgot to make tea, or our favorite pan (we named it Paco) is dirty, she'll ask me this question. It's usually answered with an exhausted gaze, and then we smile.
She's incredible, y'all.

Out of booze, Dad...

"Nice."
DanPar is a rowdy boy. He loves to run into thing, smack things, and throw hard objects at things. In case you haven't heard, next month we are getting a very special thing (baby!) that we would rather he not do any of these things to. So, we started telling him to be "nice" to people, and demonstrate with soft petting.
Unfortunately, he's, you know, ONE. So to him, the entire action of rubbing something is the meaning of "nice". And so, fist full of yogurt, he'll turn to the back of his chair, and smear it all over, saying, "niiiiiiiiice."
But hey, if that's what it takes for him to not hit his baby brother, then so be it. We'll cross that bridge of him spreading peanut butter on Crash to be "nice" when we come to it.

Careful, he's trying to be nice!!!

"Baby crack"
No kidding, just the other day we saw a couple with that yellow irresistible plastic canister, and when DanPar waddled up, chanting "Please! Please! Please!", they called it the same thing. It's baby crack, and if you're familiar with the practice of keeping dog treats to befriend any pooch, you know the concept.
But like I've said, the kid started catching onto words (who the heck taught you "table"???) naturally, so we took the intelligent course and started calling it "baby snack", at least when he's in the room.

So many flavors of crack!

"Puzzles?"
It all started two Christmases ago, when Mom gave us four books of puzzles. Well, this is when DanPar was less than a month old, so we needed something to keep our brains afloat when we were unwillingly awake. Thus: Puzzles. It's become a nightly routine to finish one or two crosswords before bed. And when we're getting tired, one of us will look at the other, and say, "Puzzles?"
Currently, and I'm not sure why, but the Denver Post has been dropping off newspapers twice a week. We feel pretty bad that all of it goes straight into the recycling bin except for half of one page. (Once I'm done with the funnies, of course.)

Always a good gift for us!

I'm sure there's more and more, and some of it is just quoting our favorite stuff, but here's to couple and family culture!