The big break and my big plate

The author I edit for just asked if we could collaborate on a story! Co-written, co-created, co-llaboration! She's almost done with the Navy SEALs series she's been doing, and now she just wants to write something for fun. Which is my jam!
I'm a bit worried that she's got the impression that we have very similar writing styles, but that's just because I've been editing her book, so I've been suggesting things that fit into her story!

And there we see my big problem, with my big plate! I've always got so much on it, and I have a hard time keeping things off of it. Here I am, in the last weeks of editing this book, looking forward to being done with it, and I'm already planning on what to do afterwards!

I need to figure out how to pen in some time to relax, to rest, to have an empty plate! It sucks that everything is so hectic now. I know that we've got a thousand things to do to get ready to move, but I've already got so much! I'm beat, and I'm hoping I can hang in there. Good weather is coming, which means the boys can play outside. We're all getting better from our cold, so I'll have more energy and less sick kids to deal with.

I wish I could spend more time coming up with things for my kids to do. I love doing little crafty things with them, or playing Dungeons and Dragons with the boys. But it all takes ENERGY and TIME, and I'm all out of both of those!

Right now, I'm dragging myself along to do all the things that need to be done, and so I've got nothing left for the things I want to do!

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm looking forward to having more time. My boys deserve a dad at 100%! Right now, I feel like I'm at 10%. But there are ends in sight! We'll have a house. Summer is coming. I just worry I'm going to regret not giving enough for my kids while they were young enough to be carefree.

They are wonderful boys. I'm blessed and lucky to have them.

We made these cute little snowmen a couple weeks ago! I love these boys.

The move is coming this year!

All right, it's official, we've snatched up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and we're gonna live right next door to the boys' cousins!
I'm having a hard time describing the Ingrams, so right here right now, I'm gonna call them... my in-laws. No, that sounds like Jessi's parents. My brother's in-laws. That's better than what I've been calling them.
We'll be in line with our family. Right. Next. Door.

Jessi's been champing at the bit to move, whereas I've been planning on living out the rest of my life in this house that she sometimes tolerates, sometimes can't stand. But when I learned that our family was getting two houses right next to each other, I asked Jessi if we should.

And since then, she hasn't looked back.
Just two days ago, we put our down payment down on the house, and that's where we'll be! It's just dirt now, but the house is on its way! So it's time to get our own place ready to sell, time to get a place to rent between selling this house and moving into the new one, and man. This year is going to be a rough one.

Oh, but we're looking into a vasectomy! So that's fun!

Man, it's been a rough few days. I could use some sunshine. And a new house. And a nice long break from kids.

But they are sweet boys.

Self-love!

Take note, y'all. THAT is how you work to turn a corner when you feel AWFUL.

Stress according to a stressed person

My heart feels like it's beating fast, even though it's normal. My stomach feels tight, and it hurts when I eat.

Every face other than an staring into the distance is a brave face.

Everything takes energy, and energy takes a lot.

I can't just make things not stressful. I can't just teach myself to not feel a pang when my kids cry, shout, or are needy.

When I'm like this, in the back of my mind I know that my life expectancy is just ticking down, like these days count for double when it comes to deterioration.

I lose my temper.

I feel bad when I'm stressed, because I feel like my kids should have a less stressed person taking care of them.

I just stopped crying, and couldn't remember why I started.

And I wish it were just one thing. But the truth is, I just gravitate this way. When I get a break, it's just a matter of time until I'm back here.

Glad I'm not depressed!

Hey, sure, let's get into some things I'm grateful for.

My boys are good at playing together. All three of them. So when I'm sitting there, trying to just hold myself together, they can handle it.
It's convenient at least that taking a break for me is just being alone. If taking a break were being at a party, that'd take work! Instead, all I need is a place away from people and some headphones.
Thank goodness for the things I've built. I've got a big workload on a normal day, and I can drop some things. My chores, my editing, my calorie counting, my games. These are all things that it's a shame to fall behind on, but I can squeeze out some extra energy from them.
My coffee is great.

In fact, let's go back to that one. About my routines, about the things I've built.
I've done a damn good job at making things low-energy. Washing dishes, spraying off diapers, taking out the trash, those aren't hard for me to do, because I'm so used to them. And other things, like kindness. I'm not gonna say I'm naturally mean-spirited, but it would be easier for me to be a bit meaner. It takes energy to be kind. But not a lot, because it's something I've practiced on for ages.

I'm pretty great. That's the kind of person I want to be. The kind of person who's been practicing on how to be kind and productive for so long that even on days like this, on my absolute worst days, I can still make it through while being proud of myself.

Okay, I'm off to face the day, wish me luck!
This worked. I'm doing better. Not like "all better". More like "-3 is higher than -5" better.
But it's a start, and I'm okay with that!
-Woody

The Stoppable Woody Johns!

I used to be a lot cooler than I am now, but I'm glad I've changed.

A current Choosie asked for pictures, and, since I was the guy who brought a digital camera with me everywhere before phones really had cameras, I had the opportunity to go through HUNDREDS of old college pictures.
And man, was I cool.

There are pictures of me with new friends, old friends, in-between friends, and people who I honestly can not remember for the life of me. People who have changed my life, people whose lives I have changed. And I look back on all those days. I had so much energy! I could stay up for days without sleep, whereas now I suffer if I go without my midday snooze. And I was so so so assured of my own virtues, so anything I did had the full backing of my heart and soul! Nowadays, I second-guess most decisions about anything, from breakfast to parenting!

What happened, Woody? I'll tell you what happened. I got a heaping dose of humility!

I learned to take others' opinions, and spent time figuring out how to implement more little wisdoms into my every day.

Basically, I became an adult. But I love everything about my childhood, including through college. I made so many friends, and while I can talk about how I'm not the same, neither are they! And we get to do that together. I get to shake my head at the dumb things I said, and laugh it off.
I'm so happy with my life right now. It's stressful. And I'm stoppable. I have limited energy, and I lose my temper every now and again.
Life is hard.
But I'm not going through it anymore acting like I know best, like everything I do is justified and right. I'm humble. Well, humbler.

And that's what got me here today! I'm smiling, and even when I'm not, I'm still standing. And every day, every hard hard day, I get better at the little things I have to do. Better at doing them, better at enjoying them.

I'm not a superhero. I'm human. We all are. And that's what makes us so incredible.

I love you all! Hang in there!
-Woody

Can't move. Stuck under Crash Boy.

On the way to school!

At the dentist, and they're doing SO WELL!!!

A complete update on the boys!

Here it is, the complete "What are the boys like" as of today!

Echo:
Echo is the best baby. He loves to be held, but if you sneak off, he'll play by himself just fine! He eats like a MANIAC, and is especially a big fan of proteins. Chicken, turkey, hot dog, beans, cheese... It's awesome. DanPar was the first one, so I worried about everything. Crash had such a hard time eating that he needed a small surgical procedure and a year of therapy. So after all that, being able to plop a pancake, bacon, and strawberries in front of this boy? It makes things so nice.
He naps easily, and he wakes up smiling. He doesn't walk yet, but he's sure trying hard! He crawls quickly, and babbles a lot. He's said "Mama" a few times now and "Puppy" once, but he's not one to show off.

Crash:
The Crash-a-Boy is as sweet as they come. He shares, he hugs, he says "I love you". He plays well by himself, and he plays well with others. He LOVES yogurt, and we leave him a squeezy pouch of it in the fridge every morning. He runs, jumps, falls, and gets back up to do it all again.
He speaks fluently, and even Alexa understands him! He still sounds like a little kid, but he understands everything you tell him, and he can hold a conversation. He's a little tyke, but he's growing up very well!

DanPar:
King of the rascals, DanPar knows what he likes to do, and has a hard time accepting "No" as an answer. It gets him into lots of trouble, and he responds to trouble by making more trouble. He's basically driving us to the brink. That said, he loves nothing more than to play and laugh and run around.
He loves going to school. He says it's because he likes making new friends! I'm really glad he's had practice playing with other kids, at Cousin Camp and at the library. He's one magnificent boy, and everyone loves him. It's true with him: when it rains, it storms. But for most of the day, he's bringing the sunshine and fun to his brothers!

Things I'm proud of:
- My kids aren't heavy into screens. Even when the TV's on, they'll lose interest after a while. Which is sometimes a shame, because plopping them in front of cartoons is my panic button! But I'm still proud of it.
- They love each other. Crash and DanPar love giving Echo hugs, and he has sweet baby giggles when they do.
- I can add "sweeping the floor" to the list of chores that I've done so much it's not even a hassle anymore. Because of messy meals, I sweep the kitchen at least twice a day.
- My boys are handsome little buggers. I know that it's luck, but I'm still proud of it!
- When it's time to go, we go. They're used to me setting a timer, and so, whether we're off to the library or coming back from the library, they understand! There's the usual feet-dragging, but they don't run off!
- They love to go outside, and don't mind sunscreen! Goodness knows I'm not the most get-up-and-go guy, but it's really nice to see them playing out back, as I read a book from under some shade.
- They want me to be involved. It's sweet, even when I'm exhausted and fed up, that they love me and want me to play with them.

Eat fruits and vegetables, Don't lose your temper.

Those are my two rules. Everything else is survival!
I've decided to give myself some slack. The chores will still be there after the boys go to sleep.
I'm just so worried that I'll get myself sick from stress again. I felt it bubbling up in my stomach again this morning. That's why this bowl of Lucky Charms (it's actually Marshmallow Mateys) is considered therapeutic.
I give myself many props. Past Woody got his act together. I raised good kids, even when they drive me crazy. I lost weight, and so I'm not worried about eating my feelings away when I need to.
I'm putting in the time every day, and while I feel like I'm still waist-deep in stressful waters, I'm not completely unprepared.

I've got my friends, I've got my smattering of people to rant to, and I've got great coffee. Seriously. I don't foresee myself ever drinking different coffee again.

I'm holding it together. It's hard sometimes, and I rely on a lot of people, but they are good people.